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Hi The Scribbler,
This is a wonderful story. The tone is full of aggression and tension. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is pulled along by suspense as they read. They will read to the very last word. The plot is straight forward and moves along logically. A mobster who is breaking into his father's business is unsure about attacking the family of a man who owes his father money. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.