%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4135560 |
 | Musings...  [18+] Writing, scribbling, etc.  |
| (4.5)| Hi Gaby , I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece Invalid Entry from {sitem:} today in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum " . Title: That woman was definitely a sneaky one, that's for sure. The Trickster seems like a perfectly suitable title. First Impression: I said I owed you a review, so here I am fulfilling that! I'm glad I set this prompt, as I've read some intersting entries because of it. This fits the prompt reasonably well, whilst not explaining exactly what it going on in the image. It's also my favourite piece you've written for the contest so far! Maybe it's just because the genres of this piece are my sort of thing.  Plot: A detective is trying to find a Charlie De Luca, but lost him when he was so close to catching him, so he's drinking away his issues. He meets Nikki, who turns out to be some sort of ex-partner of Charlie's, but who clearly has an agenda. The introduction, introducing the MC and the beginnings of a conflict is good. The conflict is different from what I expected of this piece, I guess I was just expecting some stereotypical gangster thing, instead, the conflict is she's lying. This ends with her telling her friends she's setting up an alibi. That's a very dramatic way to end and not continue! I can definitely see this being continuable, if you ever chose to, but it also works well as a stand alone story, no matter how much I want to read more about these characters. The fact you've made me want to read more in so few words is brilliant! Characterisation: In such a short story, you've included good descriptions of characters, they key character here being Nikki. You've linked the different POVs well by describing Nikki's blue eyes, something that was clearly memorable about her character. This works well.  What pleased me most about the characterisation, and plot as a whole, is the fact the slightly drunk detective didn't fall for Nikki's lies. This is something that happens so often, it was nice for the detective to actually not be an idiot.  Spelling/Grammar: I didn't spot any outright errors, but there's just one thing I wanted to comment on. I noticed you used "really", "probably" and "almost" quite a few times. These words really (  ) don't do much and aren't necessary the majority of the time, definitely not so many times in this short a piece.Closing Thoughts: Thanks for the very entertaining read! Good luck in the rest of the contest!  Lorraine ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/08/2015 @ 2:34pm EDT