OVERALL SENSE: A woman is to be persecuted from believing in Jesus. Her bible was burned and those who are accusing her are hiding behind masks.

This story must date back when religion was considered against the law. Some people believed so strongly that they wanted to die in Jesus name. They felt he died for us to forgive our sins, so why not they. Elizabeth endured their torture willingly, knowing she will be in a better place when she died.

         TITLE APPEAL: “Last Breath” is the name of this story. It’s an intriguing title that caught my eye and had to know more about this woman being persecuted.

         STYLE/VOICE: The style is religious, dark, and death.

The voice stays with Elizabeth’s thoughts as she is being chased by drunken men and a crazed mob.

         TONE/MOOD: The tone is incredulous on what Elizabeth had to endure. Hostile was the crowd that chased and persecuted her. Foreboding was the tone of this story on how uncompassionate people where back then.

The mood is somber, violent, and predatory. Chasing down an unarmed woman whose only crime was reading the Bible and believing in Jesus. It amazes me how some people went through such extremes to persecute the innocent like this.

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting wasn’t really revealed. These drunken men must have come to Elizabeth’s house and dragged her out to be tried. Of course, I’m not even sure they did that.

         CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Elizabeth was a strong woman to endure such torture they inflicted on her. It made me sick to my stomach reading it. She made dresses for woman who asked her and taught children how to read. They were in the crowd, too, all screaming for her torture.

Her dad bravely told her to run, and she did. Then his howl of pain could be heard. This was an atrocity back then and I know it happened.

Personality: The nicer a person is and religious on top of that made them vulnerable to the mean and terrifying crowd that felt they are not obeying the law and must be punished. Don’t ask me who gave them that right, but they did make up some stupid laws back then. What am I saying, they still do!

Motivation: The people of the town where Elizabeth lived with her father thought she should be persecuted. How they found out she read the bible and believed wasn’t mentioned. Apparently some busybody spilled the beans.

         PLOT: The sequence of events leading to the "why" things happened should have been revealed, but it still drew me into Elizabeth’s final hour. She made her choice to read the bible and believe showing her strength against those who tried to stop religion from spreading.

Structure: Plot structure — I was introduced to the important information about some background details, a little dialog that helped, character’s thoughts, along with some great descriptions, and narration.

Conflict: Persecuting Elizabeth for believing was the conflict.

Climax: the point of greatest tension in a story; the point of no return was when these horrible men caught up with her and almost drowned her.

Development: This story is written to show what happened to people who read the bible and believed. Yes, this did happen and I’m glad you are refreshing our memory on these strong believers who didn’t let nothing stop them if they wanted to read the bible.
Well done!

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/SENTENCE STRUCTURE: I didn’t find any errors.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

         LIKES: This author showed the pain on what Elizabeth had to endure so well, it made me nauseous. That was some good showing instead of telling!

         DISLIKES: NONE

FAVORITE LINE(S): I did have some favorite lines that I would like to highlight. I'll explain why I like them and how they added to the story.

          QUOTE HERE: It became hotter, crawling up my legs like a family of ants, but I was almost numb, shocked and happy that I stood for Jesus. My arms stretched above my head felt broken and separated from my body. The pain ran through my body over and over, and I tried to ignore it.

          My Comment: I was a little confused by this where you had her burning, tied up and cannot get away. Then later, you had her dad telling her to run. I think you have to double space the paragraph to show this happen before so your reader won’t become confused as I did.
This is a well-written paragraph showing Elizabeth’s anguish so well.

JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION: Thank you for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece.



Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,

Jeannie🌺



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .