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 Review #4100247 |
 | Without You  [E] I hear you in the wind.  |
| (5.0)  Part of your shower from "Invalid Item"  Hi again Angels in my Ear I'm here with another review, this time of your poem, "Without You" Please keep in mind that these comments are only my opinion as a fellow reader and writer. Impressions: Wow! Gorgeous imagery, utterly heart-breaking emotion and a dead-end conclusion. I love it!  I've said it before and I'll say it again: you sure as hell have a way with imagery. You can take even the most ordinary, cliched, almost mundane of things and transform them into something burning, vivid, alive...memorable. Next time I'm at the beach, I will be thinking of "trails of tears". A wonderful discovery. I love almost every line of this poem. I love its wandering flow, its brilliant yet darkening atmosphere, and the heartbreak of a dream we can never have. Just through the words you have chosen I can feel so much. The wording is perfect with a capital P. :-[ I mean, who can beat "fingers of fire", "rake across the sky", "reluctant...yet compelled", "retreating waves", "trails of tears", "loss of the tides"?A deeply haunting, majestic poem that takes the most ordinary snapshot of a sunset over the ocean and makes it seem like the finest painting in the world. Hereafter thy name shalt be the Poet Painter of Writing.Com. :-[ Suggestions: My only "uh" moment was in the fourth stanza, where "I Miss You" is capitalized. Is there any reason for this? Are you trying to make it significant by emphasizing it? Because the significance escaped me. :-[ I think it would be less conspicuous if you just wrote it as "I miss you".In fact, I found that whole fourth stanza a little weird. It's in keeping with the dream aspect (dreams can get real strange), but something about it felt a little...cheap? I (cruelly, brutally, awfully) believe that the poem would actually be better without it. Please forgive me!  I guess I just don't like it going off on a tangent, especially in such a short poem and right towards the end. Favourite Lines: All of them! Oh, must I force myself to choose?! So many are real keepers.I saw fingers of fire rake across the sky, reluctant to die, yet compelled.  Something about those last two words just melted my heart. Or poured ice over it. Because I felt like I couldn't breathe for a moment. I guess that's what they mean when they say something is "breath-taking"? :-[ Because you did it.The retreating waves left trails of tears in the sand weeping for the loss of the tide. Wow, wow, wow. One of the best descriptions of a beach that I have ever read. If not the best. Ranks close to Tennyson's Break, Break, Break. Conclusion: After all this raving about the wonders of your poem, I would only embarrass myself by not giving it an awardicon. I think it's deserving of something better than just a praise-filled review. :-[I hope you continue penning killer poems like this. Write on!  Fi ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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