I liked the whole concept of the "Cold Case," with the perpetrator being a stunning lady and the victim being caught in her charms that proved to be fatal to him.

The beginning of the poem had quite a smooth flow, with rhythm and rhyme keeping time. The form poetry broke up thereafter into a more free verse -- which is a fine style to effectively execute. (No pun intended)

Observations:

I think there needs to be a more cohesive flow, as there is a lone line, "The victim had stood still in silent shock" followed by a lengthy verse, that seems a little wordy as it is placed.

Perhaps separating the last verse into in smaller parts would help with rhythm.

TRY:

The victim had stood still in silent shock
The culprit did the deed and quickly fled the block
Eye witnesses reported that the culprit had been a lady
Stunning to behold - perhaps he had made it easy

Followed by:

a little rewording for flow and impact and keeping within the essential point you are making.

It was on that night the victim died
At midnight the clock rang and she had fired,
So carelessly a life thrown away
With a bang and flash,-- the shots sprayed
[Rather than just "bang, bang" for the line.]


"The wound was fatal
He would never recover
He had fallen absolutely head over heels for her
Cold case. It's tragic."

TRY:
The wound was fatal, and it was over
He was gone, he wouldn't recover
A love so tragic he never knew what hit
Cold case, for now, is where it sits.


This is just a quick rewrite and rewording for a little more rhythmic flow, without losing the imagery of the scene. My opinion of course!

Kudos for entering a Newbie contest!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .