\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4084794
Review #4084794
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Muse Masters Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A Muse Masters Poetry Review

Hello Tranquil Reaper Author Icon. I'm happy to have you as a review buddy! First of all please know that I have no training in writing or editing and everything I tell you in this review is based only on my personal experience of your piece. Don’t get too attached to either the positive or critical things I have to say, but use anything that is helpful to you and discard the rest.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
*Rainbowl* I really enjoyed the lighthearted and comic theme of your piece. I found it very easy to relate to. I haven't had a chance to look in your port, but I'm guessing you are also a free verse poet like myself. Rhyming to me was uncharted water. I love that you took that feeling of being unsure about rhyming and channeled it into your assignment. The title is cute, clever, and topical.

CONVENTIONS:
*Rainbowl* The rhythm and rhyming used throughout the poem were dead on. As far as I could tell you had perfect rhymes all the way through, and the rhythm never deviated.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
*Rainbowl* In the second couplet of the first stanza where you have
*Telescope* "I squeeze and squeeze and try to thinks"
*Rainbowl* I know you made "think" into "thinks" to make a perfect rhyme with "stinks", but I think you could have left it as "think". It would have made an oblique rhyme which would have worked, and would have been less disruptive to the flow. I got caught on "thinks" since it is grammatically incorrect. But especially considering this is a humerus poem, it would be fine to leave it the way it is. It was just one thing that stuck out for me.

FAVORITE LINE(S):
*Rainbowl* I think the last line in the poem was my very favorite:
*Telescope* "Mutter-sputter, groan-growl-snarl-curse"
*Rainbowl* It left me chuckling, imagining the frustrated poet at his desk, balls of bunched up pages with scraped first drafts all around, tugging at his hair. It's especially funny because the poem ends on such a note of frustration, but it's actually a good poem. Great irony.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
*Rainbowl*I think I've read your poem at least 3 times now and each time it makes me smile. As I said, I haven't read anything else in your port, but I will be stopping by some time to see if this comedic voice is obvious in any of your other work. I tend towards more serious topics (as you probably guessed from reading my piece), yet I am drawn towards humor writing. Thanks for sharing this poem. I look forward to reading more of your work.

All the best,
Unapologetic Poetess Author Icon

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 02/09/2015 @ 9:55pm EST
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4084794