Greetings, Carol St.Ann 👓 ! Thank you for bidding on my Children's Package B in "Genre Auction and Fundraiser" .

This is so sweet! What child would not like it? The photos are adorable, also. They add to the personality of the story. And what a great idea (along with a lot more work for you) to have Discussion Questions, an Experiment and a Glossary after the ending! You've certainly worked hard on this and it shows.

Please remember, this review is of my own opinion. Take what you feel fits, and leave behind the rest. I will, as always, encourage and suggest based on my knowledge and experience. My reviews are intended to be helpful.

First of all, Carol, the thing that stood out more than anything else, was the dialogue (avoiding contractions.) I use to do this very thing years ago until I first began writing for kids and was advised against avoiding contractions... more than once. Now... if you were writing this in Kindergarten vocabulary for children who are just learning to read words (and would be reading independently,) using no contractions whatsoever would be the way to go. However, children do begin to read contractions in the first grade. That said, I'm confident this story would be read to most children in Kindergarten and First, so... it's very important the flow of the story is smooth and not choppy. I understand why you wrote it the way you did. I struggled a little about even mentioning it because the story is so cute and you've done such a good job with it. You may want to consider adding at least a few more contractions in the dialogue so it sounds more natural. I know Baby Bel is a baby, but think about this... Children learn to speak from listening to their parents. We as parents don't talk to our children without using contractions, so maybe think about that. I know you want to portray her as a baby, but the illustrations/photos will do that for you.

Read #3 in the following link: http://www.absolutewrite.com/specialty_writing/top_ten.htm

Okay, I've rambled on enough about that, lol!

The only other thing that struck me was: slime-covered fisherman
I fish once in a while, but not out in the ocean where whales and other sea creature live, so I'm not 100% on this one. I can picture slimy hands but do fisherman actually get covered in slime when fishing out to sea? Perhaps they do! That's why I'm asking.

You've done an excellent job with this. Your punctuation, spelling, paragraphs--are all on board! Your flow (other than the contraction thingy) is good, too. You have conflict, which is important, of course, and you begin the story with this conflict, which pulls the reader right in! It's so nice to read and review an item with very little to suggest. Nice work, Carol. I know what it takes to write for children and get it ready to send out for publication... and it's not as easy as some would think. You've spent a lot of time on this and it shows. One other thing I'd like to applaud you for, is how you nonchalantly teach the reader a little about Beluga Whales without being factual. And your glossary rocks! Love the questions and experiment, too. Best of luck in your future endeavor of publishing! Keep me posted!

Favorite lines...

"Thank you," said Baby Bel. "What is a step?"

The man looked at Baby Bel, but he did not answer.

"Well, whatever it is, I think I would like to try the step in the right direction."

[I think you where smart by adding "the step" segment throughout your story. I loved how you incorporated that!]

Have a great day and...
K e e p on W r i t i n g !

Cubby ")


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .