Hello Mandy ,

I just read your poem "Invalid Item" , which I'm reviewing for you for a past review package through an auction. This is one of three pieces you requested my opinion on.

Keep in mind that I'm merely basing my review off my own personal interpretation of your work and don't feel obligated to use any suggestions that may lie within. I consider myself a forever student and sometimes simply enjoy exploring new poetic devices I have learned when I notice them.

Hopefully you'll find this review helpful and encouraging!


Overall Impressions:

I have to admit as much as write poetry, I am not a huge fan of it. But authors like you make reading poetry truly enjoyable. Especially when it falls somewhere I didn't expect. This poem took me in immediately with it's sing song feel and I didn't know what to expect but ending in the discovery of the narrators needs was well done perfectly.

Conventions:

This was a wonderful use of the Kyrielle Sonnet and its repetition in the final line of each stanza to drive home the importance of the narrator's needs. Whatever that need may be. (We don't learn until the last two stanzas)

The rhyming and syllable count was flawless and reading it out loud is simply a pleasure. A dark pleasure.

The touch of sibilance, alliteration, and consonance, bring more color to the poem but never overpower it. A perfectly balanced poem.

Suggestions:


I have no suggestions. It's perfect the way it is.

Favorite Parts:

My favorite part is the last two stanzas which reveal the narrators need. These lines make my skin tingle:

The blade that lined my turning coat,
with this, my rage I would devote
a vibrant splash of rouge to slew
my needs beneath the cosmic blue.

And in her final gasp of life
when she engaged my vengeful knife,
her flesh deceit gave answer to
my needs beneath the cosmic blue.

Additional Comments:

As always, Mandy, this was a work of art. Keep on writing!



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