Hi! My name is Jazzy and I am reviewing your story, "Invalid Entry"  today.

I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. This is review 9.

Overall Impression: This was mostly a dialog piece which tells us about Aermol accepting Konranal's request to become Head Counselor. We learn more about Aermol in this short story too, how he acts, his attitude, and such. I think that's the overall and first impression this chapter gave to me, learning more about Aermol and also revealing the new plans.


Plot: Aermol accepts Konranal's offer to learn to become Head Counselor to the King. I realized some things about Aermol I didn't know before and I sort of see some new things about Konranal too. It was mostly a conversation so the plot was not action-packed. But action can get boring after a while right? Every once in a while, a slow paced chapter can help calm your readers. This chapter really was slow while still informative. That's a great skill for an author to have.


Style and Voice: The voice you give your characters is really amazing and makes everything so much more realistic! You have a very effective way of writing which can fit in information in a short sentence. And this doesn't info dump me or give me too much information that it overwhelms me. That's awesome! Good job! I really love your style and voice in all your pieces.


Scene/Setting: The setting on the bench really seems perfect for the conversation. It's a pretty casual conversation-nothing formal-but then, it really changes Aermol's life. The cozy and nice dwelling is also nothing fancy which might be a bit strange for one who used to be Head Counselor-in this case, Konranal, but it shows things about him too.


Characters: I learned a lot more about Aermol mostly today. I learned that he can get shy and thinks quickly. He's very kind and social and willing. Konranal, I learned, can get impatient and has a sort of tang to himself calling Aermol lad. He's also very kind but that's expected if you've talked to the King and done much for him, I might guess. See how much you can learn about your characters?


Dialog: I suppose I can say a lot here. The dialog and voice you gave your characters gave them a personality and made them very realistic. Just as you relay information through descriptions and feelings, you also gave them out here through the dialog too.


Grammar and Mechanics: Everything flowed smoothly and I only found two grammar mistakes which are shown below. Good job Minara!


Suggestions: ...I've been talking to you about this for the past half an hour, and you've been dropping little exclamations and questions here and there." Konranal pointed out.
There should be a comma instead of a period after 'there'.

Right now I can here him discussing his choice with his parents downstairs.
'Here' should actually be 'hear'.

Aermol Head Counselor to the King." He said aloud.
I think you should put a hyphen between 'Aermol' and 'Head'. Also, change the period after word 'King' to a comma.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .