Hi there,
I am reviewing your poem as part of the challenge you set me at the "Invalid Item" .

GENERAL:
This is a beautiful poem, evoking images of serenity and peacefulness in a forest scene where animals join in worship. It has a wonderful sense of whimsy as well as speaking to those who believe God is more present in nature than in man-made structures.


CONVENTION:
The poem is written as free verse, as per the task Mandy set for us in lesson four of the Muse Masters workshop. As such, there is no set rhyme scheme, meter or syllable count.

I notice your use of sibilance and alliteration to create a smooth flow. You have 'sun', 'shines' and 'streams' within the first two lines. The second and third lines have 'light', 'leafy' and 'like'. The fifth and sixth lines have 'pitter patter' and 'pews', and so on. One of my favourites is 'Peace stirs underneath the canopy of boughs as animals bend low in prostrate prayer' which repeats both the p and s sounds. Lovely.

You use personification to give human characteristics to the animals. This is where that marvelous sense of whimsy comes in. We know that animals don't really gather in prayer and worship, but you make it seem both plausible and sweet. I love that the owl presides over the pulpit. It's funny how humans persist in seeing owls as wise, but it just seems to fit their appearance, doesn't it?


GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
I'm not 100% sure, but I think 'stained glass' should be hyphenated, so it is 'stained-glass'. I checked at http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/stained%20glass?s=t, and I think I'm right, but it might be a British versus American thing, or it might be a matter of personal preference, so do check for yourself and see what you think, or even get a second opinion.

I think technically 'who is there to see God's creatures gather in the chapel in the forest' is a question and so should have a question mark, BUT I actually prefer it with the ellipsis. The term 'poetic licence' exists for this very reason - because we needn't always follow correct grammatical rules if the poet feels that the poem is stronger with a variation. In this case, I think you're right. I really like having the ellipsis at the end.


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There were only two small things I picked up on that might be able to be adjusted slightly to improve the poem.
Squirrels pitter patter on the forest floor
You italicised 'pitter patter', yet you didn't italicise 'trilling' or 'chirping'. I'm not sure if the italics were for emphasis or because you were using onomatopoeia, but I think consistency would serve you better. In this case, I'd remove the italics, but you should review it and see what you think before making any changes. Always remember it is your poem, and you are never required to take on board anyone else's suggestions!

all ears crane nearer to hear his words.
I understood what you meant here, but when I first read it, my mind hesitated, saying 'Something's not right there.' After I had finished reading the poem through, I went back and tried to figure out what it was. The word 'crane', used the way you've used it here, means to bend as a heron bends its neck. Here's the definition from Dictionary.com:
verb (used with object), craned, craning.
9. to stretch (the neck) as a crane does.
verb (used without object), craned, craning.
10. to stretch out one's neck, especially to see better.
So I think what is bothering me is the idea of ears stretching! But these are animals, and their ears do move in different ways to humans. Have you ever seen a hedgehog's ears? So cute! But I digress. I think perhaps you need to change either 'ears' or 'crane' to make the sentence more correct. Again, poetic licence comes into play, and I say again that it is your poem, not mine, so you should only make corrections where you feel they improve your poem, not just because someone says so.


FAVOURITE LINES:
Squirrels pitter patter on the forest floor
to their pews in the roots of the trees.
I love the idea of squirrels sitting in pews. How adorable!


FINAL NOTE:
This is such a gorgeous poem. It has left me itching to read or write a children's story told with animal characters. It puts me in mind of Wind In The Willows. Classic and so perfect for sharing with both adults and children alike. I love the sweet spirituality that is so gently delivered in a way that anyone, religious or not, can enjoy and appreciate, and the poem has a wonderful flow and is so easy to read.
Thank you for sharing your poem and for challenging me to read and review your work! I am so glad I found this poem.
Elle



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .