Hi, Cheri! Just wanted to return the favor. This is only my opinion.

Right away I noticed that the tense does not stay true. I also noticed a lot of telling rather than showing. Try to use action to get the point across rather than words, like when Lucky walks in to the store, the music washes over him and he starts bobbing his head. "Man, I love this song!" When he checks out, he could mention to the cashier that this he and his wife's favorite song and have a little conversation about it.

It was June 11 again. True to time honored habit, Lucky stopped by the store to get 2 Pepsi's and Reese's Peanut Butter Cup to share with his Becky on this their 40th anniversary. Lucky liked this store because they played classic rock on the overhead for the patrons. While he was making mental notes on what he needed for the anniversary celebration, their song came on. Lucky gently sways to the rhythm and hums along to Brandy, by the band Looking Glass. Lucky's thoughts drift back to their first anniversary ' the one that set the tradition for all the ones to follow. In this paragraph the tense changes—be sure to keep it consistent throughout the piece.

Becky grins and proudly places a dish of mac and cheese and some carrots on the table next to the 2 Pepsi's and Reese's PB cups. Becky proudly announces: 'Ta-da.'

Lucky laughingly asks. 'Is this the gourmet meal you promised?'
Suggestion: Becky grinned and placed the dish in front of Lucky with a dramatic flourish.
“Ta-da!”
Lucky looked over the mac-n-cheese and carrots and grinned. “Is this the gourmet dish you promised?

'Uh-huh.' Her giggling was infectious.her giggling made him join in. It was only interrupted by the newborn's insistent wailing. Becky excused herself with a happy 'duty calls.' Right here you told the reader what she was doing rather than showed it.

Lucky heard Becky sing 'Mandy, you're a fine girl' to quiet the baby. Lucky shakes his head, Becky loved to change the lyrics on songs to fit whatever situation she found herself in. Lucky had moved to the doorway to watch the new mommy interact with her newborn. He chided her, 'The lyrics are 'Brandy, you're a fine girl'.'

'Uh-huh', Becky continues to hum a few bars, glances up with an impish grin and sings 'Mandy, you're a fine girl'.

Lucky cut in to finish the song with 'you're my wife, my lover, my lady.'

'I like your lyrics better,' she whispers with a wink.

I would suggest past tense for the flashback to differentiate from the main story of Lucky and his wife.
Regarding the dialogue, it doesn’t flow. Something I always suggest when doing a review and do myself if I’m in doubt, is read the story aloud. This will enable you to hear any awkwardness, etc. I like that this story is about older people, it just needs some reworking.

I hope some of my suggestions are helpful! 


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .