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 Review #4034395 |
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| (4.0)| Hello Lady Katie-Marie -Published :)  , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.  What Drew Me In: I was, I am ashamed to admit, searching for short stories. Not that there's anything wrong with that format, just that I was searching for a shorter story. You see, I tend to write reviews that are sometimes to 'heavy' with suggestions in longer writes. I normally avoid awarded items for fear of giving offense to both writer and awarder if I do not appreciate it as they feel it should be. But this title was a poem in itself, it emphatically proclaimed the setting and promised an unusual tale. The contest for which it was submitted is one that attracts a high standard of writing, so all these drew me in. The General Impression: A fantasy tale set in a far off land, that speaks of love and has a moral too. You ticked a lot of the right boxes in my book and I am sure the winning entry must have been superlative to have pipped yours! The Things That Worked For Me: New and Unusual setting.  Archaic style that draws us into the genres used  Problem-Conflict-Resolution and Moral  The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I thought flashback might have been as effective as the tale-wthin-the-tale format, but your way emphasised the moral. The idea arose because there was place for some more showing (which consumes a lot of words) to then fill in the gaps created by cutting out the second narrator. I have a weakness for setting and character description. Not that your story falls short in any way, just that it might have risen to empyrean heights in my eyes with that form. Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:"In the months following his arrival, his dojo took off," The phrase 'took off' does not fit the narration. A simple 'prospered' might be better in its place. Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.  May your words go on to shine!  Effort brings colour to Life ** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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