It is my pleasure to review
"I'm so scared!" 
as part of your shower from "Invalid Item" !

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS
I loved the story and was totally captivated from beginning to end. The vacuum repairman was expertly portrayed as a man who doubted his own ability to care, to love, and to carry out a life-saving process for a perfect stranger in need. The manner in which he debated with himself over each decision he had to make allowed the reader to actually feel what he felt.


SUGGESTIONS FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
I noticed you started the story by directly addressing the elderly woman as "you."
You wrote:
I first saw your jaundiced face...
and
You rang me about something so ordinary...
and
Your eyes were black...
Though you wrote consistently in first-person narrative, you switched your direct address of that narrator from the old lady and started addressing the reader, and the lady simply became a third-party character. You stopped referring to the woman as you, when you wrote the following:
My arms were wrapped around the woman's ankles.
and
I was making a concerted effort to save this woman's life. She was below me as I worked on her.
And you started addressing the reader:
But it was what I felt at that time, and it doesn't matter to tell it to you now. I don't have to use pretence or try to impress you or convince you.
This is just a thought, but if you continued to refer to the woman as "you" throughout the story, even to the end, rather than "the old lady" or "the old woman" or "she," you would maintain consistency and provide a dramatic connection between the narrator and the woman.
Like this:
I was making a concerted effort to save your life. You were below me as I worked on you.


Here's some grammar and punctuation stuff I came across that I wanted to point out. You did a great job with your comma placement. You must have had a good teacher.

You wrote:
...but as i turned at the door to leave...
This is a typo. Capitalize "I".

You asked me to "Please fetch that puffer for me" indicating an asthma inhaler across the kitchen serving-bench.
A comma is needed before the ending participial phrase. But you did a good job punctuating the verbatim indirect quote.
You asked me to "Please fetch that puffer for me," indicating an asthma inhaler across the kitchen serving-bench.

I will never forget your next words,
"I'm so scared!"
You might consider using a colon here rather than a comma.
I will never forget your next words:
"I'm so scared!"

...training "dummy"...
Nevertheless this "story" did happen to me.
...and I'm about to "kiss" a dead person...
For a specific word, use italics rather than quotation marks to express emphasis or to indicate irony.
...training dummy...
Nevertheless this story did happen to me.
...and I'm about to kiss a dead person...

I was saying things such as "I won't let it get you mate!" "I'm here, don't be afraid!" "I'll keep it away!"
If you're going to separate each quoted saying with its own quotation marks, I'd use the conjunction and or or between them.
I was saying things such as "I won't let it get you mate!" or "I'm here, don't be afraid!" or "I'll keep it away!"

...but the family were able to visit her...
The word family is singular, so a singular verb follows.
...but the family was able to visit her...


DISCOVERED TREASURES
What an amazing storyteller you are, Sparky. I was impressed with the vivid characterization you provided as you detailed the narrator's inner thoughts and feelings to the point that he became alive and well-known to the reader.


Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. My suggestions and opinions are offered only in the spirit of helpfulness from one aspiring writer to another.

  Winnie Kay  







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .