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 Review #4026860 |
| (3.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !  Overall Impression A very clever take on the oft repeated fear of humans feeling threatened by anything that might surpass them. Emotional robots qualify, but I wish this piece had explored that concept a bit more. What exactly is the threat? Can a robot with emotions rise above humanity, or act irrationally and endanger humans? As the story rolls The story begins in a straightforward manner, immediately establishing setting and shortly thereafter, the conflict. A bit more paragraphing to separate the characters actions would clear up some confusion. For example, after the man's dialogue, comes Suzie's reaction, which requires a new paragraph. After "Her internal temperature rose" another new paragraph is needed because the action switches to another character. Make sense? You can check for other instances. Fine Tuning Suzie’s blue eyes studied him, adding it to her memory file. Should 'it' be him? Or is [it] his appearance? A slip of concentration: down loaded should be downloaded.  7 appears to be incomplete because the thought is not carried through. The last sentence ends with the word [with]. Parting thoughts I liked the idea that a robot's experiences could be downloaded to another before destruction. Suzie's conflict is resolved because another of her kind left her with a gift of something that might be called robot-love and knowledge that saved her. You're off to a great start with this story! Please remember to ignore any comments that don't work for you. All I'm offering is one opinion. Keep writing!  ~Nixie  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/14/2014 @ 5:47pm EDT