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 Review #4023648 |
 | THE BOTTLE  [E] A life spent hiding and unseen  |
| (4.0)| ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! A sad story yet a life lived by to many in this world every day. The writer's use of a 'bottle' is interesting; it does not seem to mean 'alcohol' but a place, a way the girl lived with everyone seeing her yet she felt trapped all along life's way; very sad. Good that the 'bottle' became less of a prison when she found something that added good things to her hear and life: writing which can help to free her and anyone who writes and writes , putting the pains of life 'outside' herself and eventually giving her freedom to escape from the 'bottle' her self-made prison.A few errors of wrong or misspelled words which the writer can find if reading slowly, aloud and actually seeing each of the word errors. I saw no sentence or grammaritical errors as I read the piece. You have "TOLD" the story very well; what it needs is more of the character's thoughts clearly written. This same story could make a novella with dialog coupled with activities of the character and each person she speaks to during her twenty plus years. Such a character would have many emotions driving her life and 'tightning the lid on the bottle' as each sad circumstance happens. Such a story with dialog, action, interactions, motivations at various stages of writing, and the joy at feeling free from the 'bottle', the prison walls she puts around her for safety. I know it is difficult to write autobiography of a life filled with pain for I have tried to write my life and cannot decide where to start. On the other hand, I have found short stories of the incidents are a good way to SHOW instead of TELLing the story using dialog, dialog tags including actions that allow each scene to stand alone with details: SHOW don't TELL is a prime ability which every good writer must learn. I encourage you to learn to tell your stories by developing SHOW don't TELL ability. I found your item in Please Read so I have answered your request. I hope I've encouraged you. Ann #
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/05/2014 @ 1:39pm EDT