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 Review #4023311 |
 | Man's Best Friend: Chapter 1  [18+] Chapter 1 of my "Novel"  |
| (3.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !  Hello, Lacy . Here is,Review of "Man's best friend:chapter 1"  Impressions This is a nice introduction for a bigger novel. It introduces us to the two main characters, Julia and Michael. I suppose later on, it will somehow relate to the title.  Characters- setting Julia, is a young woman who is described in detail. You describe her previous experience with animals and why she chose to build a shelter, which is quite justified. In the second part, she appears a little childish, because she jumps into conclusions easily.The setting is described beautifully and is enough for the reader to picture it.  Development The first part is describing Julia's history, her past that led her to her decision for a shelter, the settings for the grand opening, and Julia's feelings for the cameraman. There are some inconsistencies here:" Any relationship that she initiated never went well. Wait for him to come to you, she thinks. Yeah, right, like that would happen." This is a bit out of the blue. I guess you will expand later in the novel.In the second part, you describe Michael, but you wrap it up too quickly. Maybe you could explain more what had happened with Sally, and justify it a bit better. There is no explanation why Sally did what she did. Please, understand that I don't know how you will develop it, I am just talking about the first chapter.  Notes I have some notes here, as far as punctuation is concerned, and also some inconsistencies in tenses."grand opening, including all the news reporters of the surrounding towns, of the newest dog daycare." should be " grand opening of the newest dog daycare, including all the news reporters of the surrounding towns." "He was strong, holding that heavy camera, yet he was not athletic" it should be "he is" "She smiled excitedly." also should be "smiles", because everything else is in present tense. "and brown eyes" should be " and brown eyes," " he received letters from a secret admirer that had her perfume on his truck when he was out" should be "he received letters on his truck when he was out. They were from a secret admirer and had her perfume". You mean the letters had her perfume, right? The last one, is "but also that she had a great heart. He has never met someone like her before.".It is not justified, why does he think so? That's it from me. All in all, it is an interesting story that needs some touching up. Let me know when you continue it. Keep writing. Best wishes,   Susan** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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You responded to this review 08/04/2014 @ 5:54pm EDT