Happy WDC B-Day this month!

Some things I Like:

First, I love the theme here. I have never really understood how wars over religious beliefs were logical or fitting with those religious beliefs the people are trying to protect. As such, I actually agree with the sentiment here. Although not a requirement for enjoying a poem, agreeing with the author's POV is always a plus when reading poetry.

I have to say that I was pleased to see the "I bless the atheists / who live and die in peace" lines. I am an atheist, and as much as some people want to consider me an evil heathen, I believe in the importance of life because I do not believe in an afterlife. Any wasted life to me is tragic, which is why I'm also a pacifist. I think that is true for many atheists.

Anyway... on with the writing itself here.

Your tone is strong throughout. It has its share of venom, and the chastising quality works well too. The rhymes seem effortless to me for the most part. The flow is also smooth.

Word strength here is important because it adds considerably to the tone of the poem. You nailed it really.

Observations & Suggestions:

"rattling gun" is quite nice, but someone could think that you meant to say "Gatling gun" and just said it wrong. No suggestion for a change here, as I like the phrase, but I thought I would mention it.

The opening stanza sets the mood for the entire piece. I actually love your use of "effing absurd". It is very fitting, and using that phrase in a poem is itself a little bit absurd. I love it.

The only part of the poem that I genuinely do not like is that last line, which is a shame. Strong opening and closing lines are important to me. I wanted to love the entire piece, but the end felt like a disappointment to some degree. The "wrapped in a velvet glove" is a cool line and creates a cozy feel at the end, but it doesn't have any powerful resonance. Know what I mean?

To be quite honest, I would end the poem with the line: "For I am nothing but love." That is the whole point, right? You already broke the quatrain into a couplet... so why not break it into a single powerful line? Just my two cents.

Overall, I really like this poem. I think you packed some poignant ideas into this piece, using strong phrasing to create the perfect tone as a background for those concepts. It was was an enjoyable read.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .