%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4015949 |
| ** Image ID #1653768 Unavailable **  Hi there S3. This review is part of your shower from"Invalid Item" . After reading your work,here's what I have to say. The Heart of the Story/Poem:Clotho, the youngest Fate, goes out with a jerk. Things That Might Make It Better:i know you wrote this for a contest. If you are interested in lengthening this story, putting in more detail about Paul or his attitude would help the transition from warm caresses to frowning and ditching Clotho. Maybe he pouts or is self centered, something of that sort. Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:nothing I can see. Things I Like:opening with a question worked well, I think. A statement wouldn't lead as naturally into a caress as your question has. This opening captured my attention and made me want to read more. Clotho comes across as a woman on a date more than a mythological figure. She smiles, plays coy, and feels terrible when he leaves her. Her later satisfaction is more related to her as a Fate. Death is part of the family business, and she has no grief for him, only a grim pleasure at the outcome. I liked the conclusion of the story. Clotho came full circle going from Fate/date/Fate, a satisfying ending. Other Stuff:my favorite part was "stab my heart, and I'll stab yours."  Remember, this is my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing!Whiskerface 
|
|||||||||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 07/16/2014 @ 10:39pm EDT