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Review #4012264
Viewing a review of:
 HE DIED Open in new Window. [E]
he's gone. already gone.
by BlackEmily Author Icon
Review of HE DIED  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*

Hi BlackEmily, and welcome to WdC!
For one of your first stories on here, this is pretty good, although it did seem a bit bumpy. I realize you're lamenting your loss, and it has a kind of Romeo & Juliet theme to it, but I think the real horror is the horror you've produced for yourself, if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong; I did enjoy it, I'm just speaking my mind is all.
A few niggles you might want to check:
'...effort to make me happy and accused him (of) dating someone else.'
'...It's like a needle that (is) continuously pricking my soul...my whole existence.'
I'm not too sure about this line: 'BLAG! O.O'
Otherwise, nice job! I'll have to check out the rest of port sometime soon.
Until then, kee ponw ritin gon!
PS-you have a new fan!

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The WDC Angel Army Open in new Window. (ASR)
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#1188309 by iKïyå§amhain Author IconMail Icon

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/03/2014 @ 9:53pm EDT
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