Hi Ghostranch }

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know ) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" . I can't stand that you haven't gotten a review yet so, out of deep respect (and perhaps a touch of OCD , it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid Item" .

First Impression/Thoughts:
A tongue twister! A cavatina on catatonia . OK, seriously Jess, this is a wonderful poem about finding our paradise within.

Creativity/Impact:
The form "felt" odd until I got the hang of the rhythm - then, it was honey on the tongue. I'll bet most who read this will immediately know just the spot you're talking about. The creativity is in taking the obvious and then celebrating it while the rest of us go "why didn't I think of that?"

Message/Theme:
The theme is clearly finding our escape from madness by going within. We are creatures of habit and have learned to exist, to survive, in the worst conditions. Not a day goes by without hearing someone talking about escaping the "rat race." In this beautifully textured poem, you show them the way without having to use their high interest MasterCard .

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your liberating words.

Title - "Destination Catatonia" A bit dramatic but still an enticing title that's sure to draw the reader's eye. It's a destination I'm sure many would not willing head toward ... until they read this humorous "psychological" poem. I love that you described it so playfully and without actually using the title - just allowing us to make the connection with your final words.

Grammar/Wording - Perfectly formed lines using natural language. As always, your phrasing, your word choice, and the technical stuff was without flaw. You used language to keep it playful while still maintaining a tongue-in-cheek seriousness.

Form/Flow - Written as a Cavatina (and yes, I had to go look it up ), your form was perfectly executed. It's an odd meter but it seemed to flow without hesitation as if you were simply telling me about your own brand of escapism.

Poetic devices - Your challenge was simile and you wove them into the poem effortlessly. If I wasn't aware that this was your goal, I wouldn't have noticed them as they seemed a natural part of your descriptions. I enjoyed the moments of alliteration (ceaseless crashing) and your use of enjambment was very effective in pulling the reader from line to line. I thought your use of assonance (never ending all consuming) also made for a pleasing and flowing read.

Emotion/Imagery - The similes were beautiful, the emotions light and playful. A master's touch.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
I really enjoyed reading this. Your talent never ceases to amaze me and I found myself smiling as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. Some will say that a five-star rating and glowing words aren't helpful to a poet. I disagree - no one writes in a vacuum. Keep doing what you're doing! Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

You responded to this review 04/30/2014 @ 3:04pm EDT

Upgraded Membership required to use macros.Create custom macros to insert text in this editor. [Beta] X   GIPHY Search   Send a reply... Include Gift Points