Hi Fi

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know ) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid Item" .

First Impression/Thoughts:
I've been writing A LOT of sonnets lately for some odd reason. I was pleased to see this on your list for review since it's one of my favoriet (for now) forms. I think you did well with two of the three requirements but regardless, this was a well thought out and richly imaged poem.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought your approach was imaginative. When I hear "dark," my thoughts turn to physical disease and death. The death of love can be just as dark and you showed that in this tale.

Message/Theme:
This was an expressive response to the requirements. The theme, "death of love", is woven into each word of each line. You made this feel almost classical in your word choices and images which made this come to life for me. I was waiting for the Raven to come knocking

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following more as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the poet and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw as I meandered through your words .

Title - "The Knock" The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I thought your title was mysterious and invited the reader in to explore. Since I knew this was "dark," it did bring to mind Poe's Raven . I'm sure some will look just to see what it could be. You did incorporate the title into the poetic content as well which I thought was an excellent use.

Grammar/Wording - Great word choice leads to great imagery and you did an excellent job of setting a dark mood with your writing. Who can resist "Bronze fingers reach out, touching, roaming, To brush their glowing tips down a chilled spine."?

Form/Flow - Written as a English sonnet, there is a very specific form that is required and that is where I had issue with your write.

Structure: The English sonnet is written in 3 quatrains of alternating rhyme and a final couplet. You wrote yours as a single verse. I'd recommend simply reorganizing it but you've used enjambment to carry the lines over and they cross the quatrain boundaries.

Meter: The meter for an English sonnet is iambic pentameter (ten syllables that follow a pattern of unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable). Lines 3, 7, 9, 10, 11 all have more than 10 and line 12 only has 8.

On a more positive note, one of the key elements of an English sonnet is the closing couplet which serves as the "enlightenment" or summary. I thought your closing line "the knock I hear is but an echo of the frost" was brilliant.

Poetic devices - A simile is a type of metaphor in which the comparison is made with the use of the word like or its equivalent which you successfully did.

Emotion/Imagery - Certainly, the emotions of this run deep and the imagery is vivid. The dark feelings of love lost seep from the page.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
I sincerely enjoyed reading this. Your talent shines in this and your ability to create emotion comes through clearly as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. That said, if you're going to use a specific form, you need to pay as much attention to the structure as you do the content. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore

Upgraded Membership required to use macros.Create custom macros to insert text in this editor. [Beta] X   GIPHY Search   Send a reply... Include Gift Points