Hello, I am LifeLesson
I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" .

What I liked about your title: A bad romance can be difficult and more so if it is your mother.

How I felt about your characters: Lilyis quite worried about her mother being in a bad relationship. She is off to college and not around for her family like she would be. A constant worry for her. She is loving and caring and will do anything to keep her family happy and safe.

Quinn I imagine is Lily's friend or boyfriend not too sure, but he there for Lily during a crisis. He seems to be the type of person not to take the lead.

Liesel seems to be care free and is open to finding someone to replace her husband. She does not seem to cautious of her own safety.

Lucie is her sister and lives with her mother. This is all we know of her at this point of the story.


Things you can improve on: I think you should build your characters a lot more. Letting the reader connected to each of them. Things are quite vague in the introduction. You may want to start your story with some dialogue with the mother and introduce the sister. Give them a much needed importance to your story. They are the ones missing and the reader has no idea who they are as people.

: I don't know what to make of it all. But I know something is not right. It's just one of those things I can feel, ya know?"

You can take out the period here and use a comma and join the two thoughts.
ya should be "you"

Lately, Liesel, has been seeing a new man, Derryl


There is no need for all of these commas. You are not adding anything multiple here.
She met him one night while she was bartending. Derryl gave her all of the typical lines that a woman likes to hear and ever since their father, Leo, had passed suddenly from a heart attack three years ago, their mother hasn't dated. Sure, Lily and Lucie both agreed that their mother deserved to be happy and they weren't opposed to her dating, until they met Derryl.

My issue here is. Who is She? I know you mean her mother but you should use her name here.
You should start this with Lucie hasn't been dating since her husband has passed suddenly from a heart attack. During her time bartending she has met a man Derryl who smooth talked her into dating him. Then carry on with the rest.







My overall thoughts: I believe this can be a great thriller story as long as you do it carefully. You want you readers to connect right away and the urge to read on. I would rethink your first chapter carefully. Write out each character and give them a personality. Check your punctuation and grammar. There are great tools for this here on the site.
This are only my opinion and this is your story. These are thoughts to help your story shine.



KEEP SHINING!
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