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Review #3948261
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Overall Impression


Hello Indelible Ink Author Icon. Welcome to your SAJ review. Sit back, relax, and enjoy yourself. *Smile*

Before going any further, there are some things you should know. The opinions expressed herein are not meant to be a personal attack. The suggestions I offer are just that...suggestions. It is up to you to use or discard them. *Smile* When you see "L", that means "Line." When you see "S," that means "Stanza."

On to your review... *Smile*

I was truly impressed with this poem. Why? This was your first effort at writing traditional (rhyming) poetry. You did really well! Traditional poetry definitely takes practice, especially if it is not what you write on a regular basis. I speak from personal experience. I am more of a free-form poet. When I tried my hand at traditional, it came out choppy and forced.

My favorite line is: Hey, yippee, that's already one whole verse. That sounds like something I would say at that moment.

With practice, a dictionary, and thesaurus, you will be able to write more traditional poetry. You will not have as much of a struggle to find rhyming words.

Stanza 1


L2: I...thank
*NoteO* S1: The words "it is" are not needed here.

Stanza 3


L3: But...shame
*NoteO* S1: "But" can be removed from this line. It is unnecessary.
*InfoO* Capitalize "why" if you do decide to remove "But."

Stanza 4


L2: See...aspire
*NoteO* S1: Remove "See." You do not need it for this line.


Rating


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Other


Congratulations on doing such a great job on your first traditional poem! I look forward to reading more of your work.

Write on and good luck!

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