This is clearly an advertisement, but I will go ahead and review the writing itself in case you wanted to know how persuasive it is before rolling it out in a more... appropriate... place. :)

The grammar is really lacking in places, and some of the sentences are rather awkward. For example:

"From school assemblies to tailored business seminars[,] let Dyman Management show you the other side of dealing with challenges and turning them into opportunities!"

Note the comma. The second half of the sentence is just strangely worded and a bit awkward. It definitely made me stumble when I read it. I would consider this: "let Dyman Management show you the other side of dealing with challenges and [help you] turn them into opportunities" This is less awkward to read, but the content here is still a bit silly. "The other side of dealing with challenges"? To me, the other side of dealing with something is... NOT dealing with it. Poor choice for a sales pitch I think.

"Get your copy of “That Book About Management” and see what all the hype is about" If there is no hype, I would avoid mentioning it. Let's be honest, this book is not hitting the best seller lists... so telling the audience that they need to jump on the bandwagon may not be the most effective thing to do. It reads to me like an infomercial from the 80's... a wee bit passe.

I have mentioned this before, but I will mention it again... You need to edit this for grammar! You are offering a service involving writing! Business plans can mean the difference between getting the loan needed to start a business or failing before your clients have a chance to try. Will a bank or other potential investor take the plan seriously with missing periods and commas all over the place? Not likely.

Overall, I don't think this advertisement is effective. It does not inspire confidence or illustrate the company's competence. Reworking it would be a good idea. If this was intended to entice people on WDC to check out your services, I think it will be equally ineffective. Good luck with your revisions.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .