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Review #3854944
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*Boat2* My Initial Reaction

This was a fantastic piece of light-hearted poetry! It is not easy to write a comedic poem, to me, poems in this genre are some of the hardest to write. I would rather write an English sonnet about horseflies than work on a comedic poem. *Laugh* Luckily for WDC readers, you seem to have no issues with comedic poems, and I am certain that many people will enjoy your talent in the days to come. I know I certainly did.

*Waterdrop* My Thoughts Regarding Improvement

First: You have a tendency of using commas in places where they are not needed. These are places where a break is not required, and it is better to just let the lines flow uninterrupted. An example of this is "red faced, and ashamed, I would retype the word,- here, you do not need the first two commas. Read this section aloud with the comma-induced line breaks, then read it without and see which sounds better. Your muse will not let you down. *Wink* I would suggest taking another look wherever you have used punctuation with this in mind.

Second: The comma at the end of the eleventh line is spaced out a notch too far.

*Anchor* My Closing Comments

Thank you for a fine reading experience, I will no doubt be back to visit your port again in the not-so-distant future. Please note that my suggestions are given in the spirit of one writer trying to help another to grow. Write on! *Bigsmile*

-- Oceanborne
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/06/2013 @ 12:45am EDT
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