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Initial hook:

"This is a true story about two pets my dad and uncle owned when they were young boys living in the small community of Trout Lake, Washington. My dad was nine years old at the time and his brother was seven. " This sets teh scene well, and gives the reader some context for the story. It isn't exciting though. Can you add a quote, or a scene where something dramatic happens?


Characters:


" Then Mr. Teel and his friend too the goats to a party where the fed them cigarettes and beer until the wee hours of the morning. " How horrible, I hope the men egt their just rewards!"


Plot:


Hum, I didn't know what to make of this plot. Two men committing gross animal cruelty were just told to attend church for three months? Where was the punishment fitting their crime? And why were the goats ultimately punished and sold, which also punished the two little boys who owned them? I found the lack of justice unsatisfying int his story.

Atmosphere/tone:

I thought you had good comedy thorugh the story, and some of the visuals were very good and well drawn.



Parts I liked:

"The little Clark boys who lived two doors up from the church owned two little billy goats and those goats loved to go visiting. Anyone whose home or office sported and open door was fair game." Hehee, I can imagine! I love goats, they are so cheeky!


Parts I thought needed more work/questions:

As I said above, there was no satisfactory conclusiont to this story. If people do wrong in fiction, the story comes to a better end if the wronged are righted,and the bad punished. The bad men weren't really punished at all, but the innocent goats, the the children were. Just something to keep in mind for readers.



Overall impression and reason for rating:

Overall, you have a good tone for comedy, and provided some great viauals. As I said, I thought could do with some work to make it more agreeable to the reade, but that is just my oppinion, and lots of people enjoy reaidng stories where things don't get tidied up neatly at the end.


I hope this has been helpful. Please remember it is just my opinion and you know your work best.


The best way to say thanks is to read and review my newest stories:

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