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 Review #3791022 |
 Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  ! Good morning, Ms Thompson, and welcome to the Writers' Circus! I encountered your poem in the "Read a Newbie" box, and found it eminently worthy of discussion. You see a lot of things on this site that, without putting too fine a point on it, aren't very good. This piece I found to be eloquent, poignant, perceptive, and accurate, as well as being beautifully expressed. There is nothing in the content to be changed or improved. Mechanically, I have a couple of suggestions for you to consider that might make your work more visually appealing. They are easy things for you to try on the page, look at them, and see what you think. Then, if you don't care for them, they're easy to change back into your original format. For your consideration, then: ~ You have repeated the title at the top of the text area. Consider deleting that, so the poem begins, "How are you?" I initially found the repeated title somewhat confusing, though I got over that quickly enough. ~ Consider placing the unspoken replies, "Sad, depressed, lonely, worried," in italics. This makes it instantly clear what is being said, and what is merely thought. I suggest you make the changes (they're really simple), look at the result, and if you don't care for them, change them back. Either way, the impact of your dissertation on how people interact with each other is magnificent, and not to be lessened, regardless of which format you wind up using. Reading this, I realize that that is the exact internal dialogue that goes on when people say these things to you, and you display wonderful insight with these observations. You have a voice that should be encouraged and heard. I was going to send you a couple of hundred GPs to express that encouragement, but I have a better idea. Watch your mail, and keep writing! You obviously have a lot to say... All the best in all things always, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "The Frontier Navigator"
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You responded to this review 12/01/2012 @ 2:29pm EST