Author:Rturner19936

Title: "Invalid Item" 

Type: Humor/Fiction

Of Interest to: Anyone who likes good writing, subtle humor, and cookies!

Plot: A dream or nightmare, sometimes it's all relative.

Theme: The subconscious at play? How are dreams relate to our lives.

Analysis:What a finely crafted little tale that is not at all as it would see, to be, though I suppose I should have guessed something, after-all the beginning is such an unusual one.

It is short and though I can't say directly to the point, it does in the end get there, and it left a smile on my face, being the type of person who would eat an entire jar of cookies and have tummy aching induced dreams because of it. Ah when I was younger, no snack was safe from me, lol.

The writing is more than able, its quite good, and that is illustrated through your style and subject matter. Its nonfigurative style kept me reading. I like fiction that challenges the boundaries, yet remains readable, and true in its style. Of course by the end, it ceases to be speculative, as you draw lines to each abstraction, so readers can see the logical sequence of this story. There are no elusive trees with cookies, no, just a greedy young(?) man with too much time, and too little stomach.

Grammar/punctuation/style/Suggestions: In paragraph two, should that be, "knee-high" with a hyphen?

In paragraph Five, there seems to be a rather long sentence that take up most of he paragraph. I would think after the word, "month" you could break that up intwo a couple sentences.

Last word: Even in his dreams ole Jonas kept his eyes on the prize. Those elusive cookies, who knows how many nights he dreamed of those cookie trees, and he probably ate too his heart's content, but now after sating his desire with what I can only assume was ill-gotten, the dream is likely different, and now he cannot reach the trees. Such is the fate of lust fulfilled, lol.

The writing is solid, the style deceptively humorous, and over-all I think it is a fine work.