It is my pleasure to review
"Alone" 
in affiliation with "Newbie Help And Support Group" 

PLOT / STORY-LINE / THEME
Whoa, I didn't see that ending coming. I was expecting maybe a 2012-apocolyptic theme, or maybe a left-behind-rapture type story. But I never expected to find little Jimmie playing on his computer! I like where this is going, Bertos!

TITLE / DESCRIPTION OF ITEM
The title is good. It fits with the fact that poor ole Jeff finds himself totally alone. I have a suggestion, though, about your brief description of the story. Instead of explaining that this is part of a larger work, you might hook more readers into the story if you awarded this with its own little recap. To me, for now, it is an exciting short story which can stand alone as a separate work. Maybe something like this would work:
Jeff awakes to find himself in a strange situation.
I'm sure you can come up with something better, but you get the idea.


STRUCTURE / POV / CLARIFICATION
The story is well constructed and easy to follow with no areas of confusion. Your main scene is told consistently from Jeff's view point, and the last scene is from Jim's POV.


SETTINGS / CHARACTERS / DIALOGUE
Your descriptions of the settings were well displayed and vivid, allowing the reader to step into the surroundings and see the same thing Jeff saw. I got a good feel for Jeff's personality as his mind tries to digest all that is happening around him. He's a workaholic and a creature of habit who seems to take things in stride. Nice job with the characterization of Jim, too.


GRAMMAR / PUNCTUATION / SPELLING
Your grammar and punctuation knowledge is actually pretty good. All the corrections below mainly point out one problem: comma splices—lots of comma splices.
Other than that, this is very well written, Bertos.

You wrote:
It was incredibly quiet in the house, his daughter was sleeping over at a friend’s house and his wife was in Miami. Not that he would ever expect any noise to be coming from his daughter that early in the morning.
This is a comma splice. There are actually two separate sentences here, joined only by a comma. Also, I think it is a bit redundant to say that Jeff's wife was in Miami since we already know this. Your second sentence here is a fragment, so I would tack it onto the previous sentence with an em dash. Let me show you what I mean:
It was incredibly quiet in the house. His daughter was sleeping over at a friend’s house—not that he would ever expect any noise to be coming from his daughter that early in the morning.

You wrote:
The cockpit had embedded itself through the burger shop's walls after ripping the intersecting highway in half.
An apostrophe is needed for the possessive form of "shop."

You wrote:
This morning, he discovers discovered, his mother must have hit population slider.
Everything (even the last scene) is told in past-tense, so I would change "discovers" to "discovered" here.


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The following are all comma splices which can be corrected with a period or a semicolon:
The time didn’t appear on the alarm clock, they must have lost power.
The time didn’t appear on the alarm clock; they must have lost power.

The birds were not singing, the crickets were not chirping, it was as if they were all hiding from the heat.
The birds were not singing. The crickets were not chirping, and it was as if they were all hiding from the heat.

He slowed down and passed the car on the left, there was no one in it.
He slowed down and passed the car on the left; there was no one in it.

A slight breeze was waving the branches in some oaks, a flag was waving in front of the sub-station and that was the only visible movement.
A slight breeze was waving the branches in some oaks. A flag was waving in front of the sub-station, and that was the only visible movement.

There was a small entertainment room, a TV was blaring loud static, but no one was in the room.
There was a small entertainment room. A TV was blaring loud static, but no one was in the room.

Out the front door he went and back to the truck, still no cars or trucks were moving.
Out the front door he went and back to the truck. Still no cars or trucks were moving.

Where was everyone, Why no cars?
Where was everyone? Why no cars?

Suddenly, the air vibrated violently as a large jetliner flew a few hundred feet above the truck, descending rapidly and at an unusual angle, within seconds the jet crashed through an ice cream store on the corner.
Suddenly, the air vibrated violently as a large jetliner flew a few hundred feet above the truck, descending rapidly and at an unusual angle. Within seconds the jet crashed through an ice cream store on the corner.

Last night he was so tired, it was so very late.
Last night he was so tired; it was so very late.



OVERALL COMMENTS
I envy your imagination, Bertos. I like your style of writing. It leans toward the believably bizarre.
Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. My suggestions and opinions are offered only in the spirit of helpfulness from one aspiring writer to another.

  Winnie Kay  

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"