\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3790057
Review #3790057
Viewing a review of:
 Hearts of Glass and Stone Open in new Window. [E]
Two different kinds of hearts, two entirely different people
by Maya G. Payton Author Icon
Review by Tiggy 🌺 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Title: Hearts of Glass and Stone

Author: Maya G. Payton Author Icon

Type: Poem


I was hoping you'd tie these two stories together, that maybe the two would find each other, and her naivete might be just what he needed and vice versa, but instead, you kept the two stories separate. I guess what I would now ask is, what was the point of the two different stories if you didn't intend to draw a parallel between them?

Between the two, I liked the first half better. The writing seems clearer and the story more defined. The meter is also better. The second one seems to become unwound at the end. The last couplet seems at odds with the rest of the poem. Those two lines are 17 syllables each, which the lines before it are less. I think it just throws the poem off.

In the first half, the poem seems to warn about the girl's trusting nature, that this behaviour will not end well for her as someone will take advantage of that. This part ends there and unfortunately, you never return to it.

In the second story, it is just the opposite, he has a heart of stone, and isn't likely to feel love.

Again the problem here is, what about it? It just seems that after making these two observations, you should then find away to connect the two, if not in a physical sense, at least in an intellectual one so that we can see whatever parallel exists between them. I would think that is where you'd want this poem to go, toward some connection between the two.




Shared group image
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3790057