Noticing Newbies Newsletter 11-14-2012,
Featured newbies and yours is among them.
I use the newsletter for reviewing fodder.

Imagery drips from these lines.
Praying this is but fiction and if not thankful you are on the other side of this time.
Genuine care and concern is elicited from your piece.
Form and structure are strong.
Flow is smooth.
Pace is slow as the reader is terrified at what is in print.
Grammatically a few stumbling blocks do remain, but the meaning of your piece is in no way compromised.

Copenator out! BA, MDiv
Founder of Copenator's Crew