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 Review #3789666 |
 Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Title: The milky fog about the mountain Author: anachrobot Type: Poem The poem seems to mix the luxuriousness of the wilderness with that of sexual desires, or at least a sensual one. The imagery is rich, hoping to draw that parallel between nature and human desire. Rich images like the milky fog and the moist bark are easily transferred into sensual pictures that remind one of flesh and blood parallels. I do wonder if at times this poem (prose poem) might benefit from some tightening here and there. I see places where a word or two could be removed to add more of a poetic strain. Look at line one for instance. You could easily write, "Suspended in air..." There are also phrases that stick out, like, "at the same time" that seem like they could be condensed. The phrase doesn't really seem poetic to me anyway, but maybe that is just me. But it does seem like the poem could be tightened just a little and improve the poetic tone by doing so. However, it is the rich imagery that drives this poem and gives it the readability, I think. Readers will easily grasp that comparison between desire and the images in the poem, which are lush, suggestive and well-done. I see you are brand-spanking new to the site, so I want to welcome you and hope your stay is long and rewarding. 
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You responded to this review 11/25/2012 @ 9:37pm EST