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 Review #3789394 |
| (4.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Title: Dream Author: born-san  Type: Poem In the first stanza it appears that the speaker is lost. What he is looking for isn't yet clear, though we can guess from the sub-title. The first line of the second stanza confirms that guess. Unfortunately, the path to happiness does not seem well-paved and the speaker feels that there is something wrong. The plot thickens in the third stanza. The object of the speaker's interest is seen crying, has issues of her own. She turns away, but whether it is a repudiation of the speaker or just a sadness over something else, I'm not sure yet. I'm a little concerned about the tense in stanza four. Though I suppose you could defend it, there seems to be a change from present to past. Like I said, you could defend it as a complete break, but I think it might be better to just keep the same tense. Anyway, in this stanza his emotional pain increases, confusion settles in. Over what? The confusion part is easy to explain, the other, just a general fear and hurting over what is transpiring I suppose. In stanza five, the scene begins to shift. The object of the speaker's interest begins to leave, a hand is then offered to the speaker. It isn't yet clear if it is her hand, but one would suppose so. He takes the hand and sees light. Maybe it's a spiritual shift? In the last stanza, the fact that this was a dream is revealed. The speaker is obviously relieved that is was only a nightmare. It does bring up issues such confidence, security and trust, but they weren't introduced here, but still remain as an underlay. Why is this person having this dream? Does he/she often worry about this other person leaving? There is a psychological element that hasn't been explored in this poem, though its existence was introduced. It would be interesting to write another poem that maybe takes a look at that dream from a psychological aspect, or maybe write it as fiction so that you could explore it more fully. It is an interesting poem that sometimes lacks directness but which ends well and readers will appreciate that. 
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