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 Review #3788681 |
 | The Friendship Test  [E] These are the best of friends.There is a test. Will this be the end of their friendship?  |
| (3.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Title: The Friendship Test Author: Gracegoddess Type: Short story There isn’t much of a story here, and half of it was spent just setting up the story with a wordy style that could have been cut in half, or more. Once you got away from the filler and circumnavigation of the introduction, the story became a much simpler and enjoyable piece. If anyone told you writing is complicated and involves a lot of convolutions, forget that statement now. Writing is meant to be clear and simple. You know that mathematical statement: “The closest distance between two points is a straight line?” Well that works for writing too. Instead of beginning your story with: Once, there was two friends-such as is expected. One might say the obvious and sound trifle thick, but one must to tell such a story as this. Why not be right to the point, clear and precise: Once, a friend wanted to test the friendship of another. It avoids all that confusing and irrelevant side talk. The reader doesn’t need to know what is obvious and what needs to be told, just tell it. It is the same when you write: At some point in time, made bold and neon from the usual drone of everyday life, was a certain idea, stirred, mixed, brewed, boiled, and rehashed in one of the friend’s minds. Again you are being very confusing. Just think about the story you want to tell, and write it. Don’t try to be cute, or literary, avoid being gimmicky, of writing in long verbose words; just tell your story. I admit, you could slide a little of this in, but just know when to stop. It goes on way too long here. There are times where you could you more detail, for example when you write: A diversion ensued. What diversion? You can’t just say that there was a diversion, you need to explain what that diversion was. You don’t need to go into detail, but you really should tell the reader something, not to do so may look like a lazy ploy by the author, to get out of a situation. The story does improve as it progresses. Once you actually get involved with the tale, you seem to forget the tangled sentences and focus on just writing, and that is when you are at your best. The story ends up being both amusing and charming, as we see that these friends are actually very similar and whatever test was intended to show the opposite failed. If it were me, I’d just try to concentrate on clarity when writing, staying focused on the story, and not on seeming literate. 
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