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 Review #3788672 |
 | The Human Condition  [18+] A look at human weakness  |
| (3.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Title: The Human Condition Author: Merishia Type: Essay Well I don’t know if I agree with the premise, nor does this essay tend to stay focused, but it certainly will give the reader something to ponder. What began as an essay about one’s talent, by the end, had evolved into a study of the human condition focusing on one’s greed and desire for food. How you made that transition I’m still not sure, but it was an awkward transition that, in my opinion, should have been avoided. You began the article focusing on talent, and that should have been your continued focus, exploring what it is that makes one talented, or exploring the nature of talent. You could have transitioned to your own talent and how you think you came by it, but somehow you transition into this study of what people cannot have and manage to turn that into a search for food. Not only are those speculative things that carried with them no research, but they were far better suited for their own essay. If you had titled this, “Random Thoughts,” then I would have no complaints, for you’d have warned your readers what they were getting themselves into; but when you begin an essay on talent and then transition to human greed, that takes a lot of convincing that you haven’t jumped the shark. You’ll probably disagree, but you really should remain focused on that opening premise. Changing premises along the way shows a lack of focus and preparedness. If you want to write on a different topic, choose another essay, don’t try to combine them together. I can’t begin to tell you what propels man to strive. I’m sure that food has something to do with it, as does sex, religion, and especially his own self-worth and egotism. I doubt it’s as simple as a single thing like food, sex or greed. However, I admire that you thought of it, that you took the time to explore the notion. To me, the human condition is that thing that is inherent in all of us. It isn’t learned, and gender and race play no part in it. I’m not qualified to go any further than that on the subject, but what it seems what we have in common is that need for gratification, curiosity and that common and inescapable sense of death. Having said that, I’d be more interested to hear about what makes you talented. I think it’s ground we might both find more solid, less speculative. I’m not sure what to say about the tone of this piece. Part of me liked the informal flippant style, but another part felt the swearing was a little much and thought the subject probably deserved a more formal style. So it is a delicate balance you probably needed to strike to make that style effective. I might keep the style, but remove the swearing, which makes the writing seem insincere and frivolous. The writing was good, though there were a couple places where you seemed to miss a needed word: In paragraph two: “what is it that makes a person extraordinary?” and in paragraph three: And I am as guilty as any other random person on this globe we call home. However, the majority of the writing was fine. For me the main issue was focus, and if you had stayed with the original premise, or began the piece with the one you switched to, I think this would have been a stronger essay. 
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