I love your short story. I think you tackled this challenge very well. Your story is both interesting and emotional. What a harsh reality you wrote about.

One sentence I thought was a little awkward is "Women liked it when you told them they looked thinner." I thought it should have been written in the present tense, as it's an observation made in the present about the story you are telling of the past. But grammatically, it's still correct.

I do hope you win this contest.