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Review #3542774
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Rated: E | N/A (Unratable.)
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This is a review from Itchy Water. The advice provided are only the opinions of one person. This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided. Remember you are the author of this work, and only you know what is best suited for your work.


FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
*Right*This is a fun, lighthearted poem.

WHAT I LIKED MOST:
*Right*"I want to swim deep under the sea,
and dive in the lore,
the mermaids and more."
This verse is creative in itself but also suggest being creative while diving into the waters of your mind.

SUGGESTIONS:

*Pencil*GRAMMAR/SPELLING:*Pencil*

*Right*Every thing looks great. I'll just offer a few suggestions for you to ponder.

"I want to swim deep under the sea,
and see all the coral,
the starfish and reefs."
*Right*I suggest making "coral" plural- 'corals'

"I want to swim deep under the sea,
and talk with the whales,
the dolphins and fish."
*Right*I suggest adding the word 'the' in front of "fish" for consistency.


"I want to swim deep under the sea,
and stay there the day,
the week and the month."
*Right*I suggest using another word than "the". But it is personal preference.
I want to swim deep under the sea,
and stay there a day,
a week or maybe a month"

I want to swim deep under the sea,
*Right*This phrase is redundant. Have you considered using synonyms of"swim" on each line?
I want to swirl deep under the sea,
I want to bathe deep under the sea,
I want to dive deep under the sea,
I want to glide deep under the sea,
I want to sail deep under the sea,

*Pencil* STORY: *Pencil*

*Right*The story is fun. It plays on one's creativity.

OVERALL:

*Right*I like the poem. I think it is a great children's poem. I really like the invitation to your creativity, "won't you please, go there with me"


   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/27/2011 @ 7:56pm EDT
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