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 Review #3542750 |
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| This is a review from Itchy Water. The advice provided are only the opinions of one person. This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided. Remember you are the author of this work, and only you know what is best suited for your work. FIRST IMPRESSIONS:  There is no punctuation in this poem. I suggest adding the correct punctuation to help with the flow of the poem. WHAT I LIKED MOST: I've never been married, but I've been in more large and small weddings than I can count. I am keenly aware of the frustration and turmoil that brides go through when preparing weddings. I have heard many brides say they'd wish they hadn't had such a big wedding. Weddings can be so stressing. They are especially trying on everyone's relationship with the bride, including the groom. I thought you did a great job of implying that stress. SUGGESTIONS:  GRAMMAR/SPELLING:"I didn't want a big wedding I just wanted you and some flowers Our joyful I do's and a sweet small kiss That would've been great" Add punctuation to the first stanza. I didn't want a big wedding. I just wanted you and some flowers, Our joyful I do's and a sweet small kiss. That would've been great. "I didn't want a big wedding I just wanted to feel your touch Cut the cake with your hand on mine Save that one dance for just us" Add punctuation to the second stanza. Add the words 'to' to the third and forth lines of the stanza creates better flow. I didn't want a big wedding. I just wanted to feel your touch, To cut the cake with your hand on mine, And to save that one dance for just us. "I didn't want a big wedding I didn't care what others thought It's not between us and them It's between you and I" Add punctuation to the third stanza. Also "you and I" is not correct here. It can be 'you and me' or 'me and you'. Notice "others" is plural possessive. I didn't want a big wedding. I didn't care what others' thought. It's not between us and them. It's between you and me. "I didn't want a big wedding I just want you to know How much I love you and want to be Dedicated to you for the rest of my life And yours" Add punctuation to the fourth stanza. The tense changes in this stanza. Is that intentional? This stanza is awkward but a few words can be added to make the flow better. Also, "And yours" is not necessary because it is already mentioned here "Dedicated to you for the rest of my life"I didn't want a big wedding. I just wanted you to know How much I loved you, wanting to be Dedicated to you for the rest of my life. Or I didn't want a big wedding. I just wanted you to know How much I loved you. I wanted to dedicate the rest of my life to you. Or I didn't want a big wedding. I just want you to know How much I love you, how I want to dedicate the rest of my life to you. I didn't want a big wedding Add punctuation to last line. It is good how it is written, but I will offer up a suggection to change the repetitiveness. I didn't want a big wedding. Or I never wanted a big wedding. STORY: The story of poem leaves me hanging. Though it is a vivid and good poem, I'm left saying, "So what?", this person didn't want a big wedding. However, if the fourth stanza, second line, the word "want" was meant to say "wanted" then there would be more meaning. I would think that the wedding caused so much turmoil that the wedding was called off. But as it is written there is no such indication. At least I didn't see it. OVERALL: Overall, the writing is great, but the poem is missing something. It is missing the answer to the question Why?. Why didn't she/he want a big wedding? Did the big wedding ruin their relationship? Or did the big wedding ruin the relation between other family members?
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You responded to this review 06/27/2011 @ 7:57pm EDT