This is very emotional and you've done a good job getting the emotion out there.
I can relate to the subject, probably most can.

I found it a bit choppy, and a few meanings escaped me. For instance:

scarce
and people keep on losing spares

I don't know what 'spares' is representing, and it doesn't rhyme with 'scarce' if that was your intention.

The world laughs at his pain
And breaks his flame.

Using personal pronouns in this one part made me pause. The rest is spoken in general terms so this seemed awkward. (to me)

I liked the piece and could tell you were serious with the message you wanted to send. Probably just a little tweaking is needed.

Well done!




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

esprit
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