“Hey there, folks. Lincoln Loud here,” said the white haired boy to the audience in one of his typical episode opening fourth wall breaks. “And welcome to this pornographic alternate reality of the Loud House. You’re probably wondering what makes this different from the regular Loud House. Well, I’ll tell ya. See, my mom and sisters are what we call predators. They’re humans who can consume other humans alive and whole in pretty much whatever way they want. You might think that’s a little odd and no doubt have some questions, so I’ll try my best to answer.
“See, when a predator consumes live prey, digestion is optional. If, for example, mom were to swallow me, she could just hold me in her belly for as long as she wants. It’s actually pretty cozy in there. Mostly my family just vores people for fun, like as favors to friends, or how Bobby usually ends up inside Lori whenever one visits the other.” Lincoln paused as he stared at the fourth wall. “It’s exactly what it sounds like. Vore is a lot of fun for both the consumer and consumed, even erotic depending on how you do it. And since most people in this house can vore, we have what you might call a very laid back attitude when it comes to promiscuity, both with each other and anyone else.
“Digestion does happen, but it’s perfectly legal. It’s the job of predators to help counter overpopulation, but preds are less than 1 in 1,000 of the world population. And if I’m being honest, preds have legal protection to do pretty much whatever they want. Luckily, mom is there to keep the family in line. Digestion is only allowed for bad people and volunteers, although Lola and Lynn Jr. are the biggest offenders there, often needing to be grounded after their competition mysteriously disappears,” Lincoln said with air quotes.
“It’s great that everyone in town is so accepting of us. Predators do what predators do, although it’s generally frowned on to digest the kids your babysitting. Not good for repeat customers and all that. Also no one is allowed to vore teachers just because they do things like give out homework. Also-also, no one is allowed to digest each other’s friends. As a result, we all have a lot of ‘friends’ who try to suck up in the hopes of staying off the menu, but there’s also plenty of people who genuinely like us for us. Most of the time, folks just treat us normally. It’s only when stomachs start growling that things get awkward.
“As for volunteers, that happens more often than you’d think. There’s FindAPred.com that’s kinda like a dating service. People can apply to be vored by predators in their area. They get to choose things like how they want to be consumed, whether or not they want to be digested, if they want sex, and some other options. They pay the pred to live out their biggest fantasy and the pred gets a fatter wallet with the possibility of a free meal. Everyone wins. Each pred in the family gets several requests a month, which leads to some awkward encounters in the morning. Luckily every bedroom also has a half bath with toilets specialized for predators, able to take either big piles of feces, or just people who really wish they could use the shower afterwards.
“We still do the normal family stuff. We fight for the remote and eat as a family every morning and evening. That said, the Loud preds do have to eat quite a lot. It says a lot about dad’s skills as a chef that he can prepare meals for all of us every day. He’s even learned to prepare volunteers to enhance their flavor for whoever wants to eat them. You’d think it’d be awkward to hear someone moaning while being vored almost every meal, but we’re basically numb to it at this point.
“Let’s see. What else? Oh right. I forgot to mention if I’m a predator or not. Well that answer is simple. You see…”
Option 1: Lincoln is not a predator. Only the Loud ladies can vore, which means he is often at the mercy of the ladies in his life.
Option 2: Lincoln can eat people. He likes it fine, but prefers the pleasures of being an ordinary kid… mostly. Though there are some benefits.
Option 3: Only the Loud ladies can vore, but eating people causes them to grow enormous. Lucy is already several inches taller than Lincoln while Rita, as the oldest and most experienced pred, boasts a whopping 11-foot height. Lori is the second tallest at 8 feet, and you get the idea for the rest. That's a lot of weight these ladies love to throw around.  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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