United in our Grief Forum.

Jay O'Toole I think it takes a lifetime to process grief. After all, it's taken a lifetime to love that person (when a parent/sibling). I could be wrong, but I wonder if the reason long silences feel like anger or loss of a relationship is because you've bared your soul. You've shared your deepest feelings, put yourself on the line. So, for others not to respond with the intensity and passion that you are feeling it, feels like they don't really care. Even though they really do.

Grief sucks. That's my take on it. Mum died five years ago, Dad will be ten years in September. I think of them both every day. Literally, at least once every hour that I'm awake every day. Plus, I often dream about them. Their loss has shaped my life. I think of life in terms of before Dad was diagnosed with cancer, and after. Some days, I feel so sad, it's like I will never be happy again. There's a word I learned a couple of years ago that sums up my 'blue day' feelings: saudade. It means a 'deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves.'

There are times (more and more lately) when I'm happy. I can remember, with fondness, moments spent with my parents. Grief never leaves. It's always sitting somewhere behind me, but it does get easier to manage. It does.

I feel I've rambled on far too long. But I wanted you to know you're not alone.