I want to go to Bora Bora! I really enjoyed how enticing you made your location, and I think you shorted out my brain with the extensive use of figurative language. Just imagine little sparks shooting out of Mandy's head.
You did a beautiful job, and it might have been quicker to highlight the parts that weren't figurative language! As encouraged, your piece is full of descriptive language and convention. I think what I like the most is the sensations experienced as the water laps and sends tingles up the spine. I was right there with you!
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I really enjoyed how enticing you made your location, and I think you shorted out my brain with the extensive use of figurative language. Just imagine little sparks shooting out of Mandy's head. 
As encouraged, your piece is full of descriptive language and convention. I think what I like the most is the sensations experienced as the water laps and sends tingles up the spine. I was right there with you! 
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