Two Sides to Every Story

 (This message was edited by joycampbell on 12-29-13 @ 12:28 pm EST)

An Anonymous Gift is the first entry in My Erotica collection

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1968625 by Not Available.

My Review of Club, Love, Run
Review of "Horsewoman and her "Cowboy""

Initial Response:This a well written story with good potential, however you have one weakness that weaves it's way throughout your story interrupting the flow. Two people never carry one a conversation with each other in the same paragraph. If a reader has to keep stopping his/herself in order to find out who is speaking they will stop reading.

Examples: "Oh, my God,": she said. "I can't believe I actually let you inside of me without a condom."

Ah, come on," he complained. Condoms are so over there. Nobody uses them anymore."

"I don't know whose world you've living for the past . . .what, twenty-five years, but in the real world condoms are the only way to go. Do you think I want to have your kid after you're long gone?"

Conclusions: If you remedy this weakness your story will be a real killer.