Noticing Newbies

Did I say site stalker? That's distasteful and paints a crude picture of myself. At the word stalker you may think that I sit here on a cold metal folding chair in a humid basement, the only thing keeping me company the scent of mildew and my own sweat. Perhaps my pants are soiled at the knees from crawling through shrubbery to press the stubbled skin of my sweating jowls against a window pane. Yours perhaps? Do you picture that the thrift store shirt I wear with soup stains from someone else's meal is clinging to my back due to these exertions? Then you are correct. I go to such lengths so that I may gaze at the supple skin of...you, the reader! And when I witness your chocolate stained or Cheeto-dust encrusted fingers scrolling down the taught, well formed body of whatever paragraph I've sent to you, I realize that at that moment....you belong to me!!!!!!!

Okay. I apologize. Time for a fact check:

#1 I am sitting here on a metal folding chair but I'm not in a basement. The chair isn't cold either. Thanks to the ongoing miracle of blood circulation that heats the tissues that cover my body it's actually quite warm.
#2 It's not humid. I'm in Arizona. That word doesn't apply here and ranks up there with other non applicable words such as "Fun" and phrases such as "No sir, I'm not smuggling drugs in my rectum."
#3 I am sweating heavily and my pants are soiled at the knees. I was changing a tire today. My shirt is from the thrift store and does sport someone else's mysterious stains. I would venture a guess as to what those stains might be but I understand that there are website standards I must adhere to. Pun intended. Luckily it's not clinging to my back due to the copious amounts of my gnarled and matted back hair.

Bottom line is I hope some of you do take the time to read whatever I launch into the ether, I will make sure to read yours. It's good to be here.

See you on the screen!

P.S.

Fact check:

#4 I was changing a tire because I'm coming to YOU Maude from Jacksonville! (It's a hell of a commute.)