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Title: Wayfaring Stranger
chapter reviewed: Prologue
user name: Ms. J


plot: Asa and Addison Thatcher arrive aboard the Abigail (great steamboat name, again). Asa is older and street wise (he pulls Addison from the front, because everyone will be barreling to get out first – today’s airplane arrival scenario. I don’t remember this scene in the first draft?

Anyway, the brothers have specific intentions/expectations. Their realities will obviously be different.

characters: The Thatcher brothers - Asa and Addison (an Eli is mentioned). Asa seems older and “wiser”. Addison is younger and the romantic of the two.

grammar: no problems
style/voice: good enough …the dialogue has enough antebellum to it…
setting: The sea port in Keokuk, Iowa
overall:
WHAT CAN BE LOOKED OVER
- We don’t really a picture other than a loud whistle in the early morning (I’m sure even if the town is used to it, it doesn’t appreciate it!)

WHAT WORKS
- Asa and Addison are affable enough. There’s a build up for Eli and Rachel.

LBL
A steamboat coming to dock was nothing unusual; rather the inhabitants of the Mississippi river town of Keokuk, Iowa expected it. Still, in the early morning, the impact of the sound could jolt even the soundest of sleeper from his or her respite.
[I would make this more specific (concrete)…otherwise it’s still very good. “The steamboat coming to dock was nothing unusual. The inhabitants of the Mississippi river town of Keokuk, Iowa expected it. Still, its sound jolted even the soundest of sleeper from his or her respite.”]

Despite their various destinations, the Abigail carried all the men closer to home.
[I would cut “the men” from the line…]

"Nah, his band of coloreds didn't get mustered out just yet. Should be soon."
[I’m assuming people actually spoke this way back then! Funny]