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Rated: 18+ · Message Forum · Community · #1282016

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Mar 7, 2012 at 6:29pm
#2368948
Re: Whutchathink?
Read your story....
Ha! Now that's a Twilight Zone episode I must've missed. Great black comedy. Loved it.
Some tips....
In the first paragraph, you used the expression, 'not only' twice. Easy fix.
"Mark shook his head, like he's been slapped with a fish." What a great line! But I think you should have used 'he'd' rather than 'he's' Again, easy fix.
Keep writing my friend.
-Bill

A new sig from 'undocked'
MESSAGE THREAD
Whutchathink? · 03-07-12 11:37am
by Angus Author IconMail Icon
*Star* Re: Whutchathink? · 03-07-12 6:29pm
by W.D.Wilcox Author IconMail Icon
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