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Wayfaring Stranger

Chapter 2

Plot: Addison returns from the Civil War to claim his bride, only to find she’s married.

Characters: Addison and Mrs. Davis. Clear characterization.

Grammar: some commas and typos. I believe M’am is really Ma’am. See line by line.

Style/Voice: third person voice from the POV of the soldier. You might want to reconsider stringing adjectives together. Try varying their names when it’s obvious who is talking. Although I didn’t note it in the line by line, you can vary Addison with the pronoun “he” and the word “soldier”.

Setting: nice job in general. You could represent the taste of the cider, however.

Overall: I know you are trying to find the right word, but be careful that you’re are not inadvertently redundant. This is the beginning I’d expect. Relationships take a beating during wars. I’m curious what you will do with it. This piece shows promise.

I underlined adverbs not used in dialog.



The whitecomma two-storycomma frame Are you sure you want 3 adjectives in a row?farmhouse crowned the crest Suggest you change to “top” because crown and crest can mean the same thing. of the hill, surveying the acres of crops stretched out around it. Situated in the area called Mount Clara, the Davis' farmhouse stood out like a beacon on the prairie. Keokuk lay a comfortable nine and a half miles away.

Addison turned off the road and started up the long inclining superfluous since we know it’s on a hill. drive up to the house. Fighting the urge to run, he held his head high and proud. After all, he had a right to be proud; he was a returning warrior. He felt the sun shinning down on him and noticed how the light accented the blue of his uniform, the shine of his brass buttons. Often he dreamed of this moment when he would walk down the lane, a smart spring in his step, a man tried and tested in war ready to claim his prize, Jeannie.

Glancing around him, Addison noted the farm was doing well. Mr. Davis always ran a successful farm. The oldest son, Lucas would, of course, inherit it, but Addison vowed to himself that someday he and Jeannie would have a farm like this, nocomma or dash better.

As Addison approached the front steps of the porch, a largecomma yellow dog stretched and rose to his feet. "Dog?” Addison laughed.

Dog, as the scraggly mutt was know, or "Damn Dog" as Mr. Davis affectionately called him, lumbered down the stairs. He approached with his head lowered, but tail wagging cautiously. "You used to run down the road to meet me, Dog. What happened? You worn out from chasing rabbit either “rabbits” or “a rabbit”. , Boy?" Addison reached down and gave Dog a good scratch behind the ears. His tail moved faster.

"Addison?"

He looked up to see Mrs. Davis standing on the porch, her hand over her heart. Sweeping off his kepi, he gave her a gallant bow. "Mrs. Davis."

"I um... I didn't... we didn't..." Mrs. Davis faltered. "Please, Addison, have a seat." She motioned to a long wooden bench on the porch that rested against the wall between the door and window.

Addison pretended to wipe his mouth so he could hide his smile as he ascended the steps and took a seat. Genevieve Davis was a handsome woman, much like her daughter. Unlike Jeannie, she lacked an alluring personality. Most of the time, Genevieve Mrs. Davis was shy. They way she stumbled over her words just now was more pronounced than usual She stumbled over her words more than usual, perhaps due to the sight of a returning soldier.

As Addison sat, he cleared his throat. "I've come to see Jeannie."

"It's a hot day. Let me get you something to drink," Mrs. Davis muttered as she disappeared into the house.

She's probably getting Jeannie, Addison thought to himself. He pictured Jeannie's surprise, and smile smile of surprise as her two adorable dimples appeared. Next she would rush aroundcomma trying to make herself presentable. As if she needed to primp. Jeannie, his Jeannie, was always beautiful, her raven hair pinned up in an intricate pattern, not a strand out of place. Her eyes were a soft, deep brown, and round, and her complexion smooth and flawless. On more than on occasion in the past three years, Addison closed his eyes and remembered her lyrical laugh, how it would hang in the air drawing everyone to her. With a wicked smile, Addison thought of her curvy body, her tiny waist, rounded hips, and full breasts. He couldn't wait to touch her full pouty lips with his own.

"Here you are." Mrs. Davis handed Addison a glass of cool cider and took a seat next to him.

Addison blushed, grateful Mrs. Davis couldn't read his mind just then. "Thank you, M'am Ma’am." He took the glass.

Mrs. Davis sank down on the bench next to him. "When did you get home?"

"Just today. I came straight from the boat." He took a sip of the cider.

"My husband's in the field. I'm sure he would like to see you. You say you haven't been to see your folks, your brother?" She fiddled with the sleeve of her blue calico dress.

Addison shook his head. "No, M'am typo. After all this time, I came straight to see Jeannie."

"Jeannie isn't here right now." Mrs. Davis wouldn't look him in the eyes, and her face flushed.

He laughed it off. "That would be just my luck to cross paths in town without even knowing it."

"No, she's out Argyle way."

"Argyle? What on earth for? How soon will she be back?" He silently planned to meet her on the road.

"Um, Addison, when was the last time you heard from Jeannie."

He shrugged. "Been awhile, but we didn't get any letters for months,no comma until we got to Washington. Nothing came then, but it didn't worry me. Jeannie never was one for writing much."

"What about your folks? Hear from them?"

As the smile faded from his face, Addison set the glass down. "They are fine, but don't write much either. Pa doesn't see the need to spend money on paper. Is Jeannie alright?"

"Oh, she's alright." Mrs. Davis gave a deep sigh.

Addison furrowed his brow. "You've got me worrying, Mrs. Davis."

(Genevieve Davis) OR: Jeannie’s mother stared off into the distance toward the river. "Jeannie married Karl Jensen 'bout a month ago."

Addison leapt to his feet. Did Mrs. Davis say Jeannie was married? What was that noise from the trees? Cicadas? Their chirping came in a wave of sound and made his head thump. "Beg pardon?" He managed to mumble.

"Addison, please don't make me say it again."

He couldn't comprehend the words he said, they seemed to form from someone else’s brain. "Then, I best be getting along. I shan't take up anymore of your time." His feet carried him down the stairs.

"Wait! I'll get Mr. Davis, Lucas, or one of the boys to take you home."

He turned to face her and placed his cap back on his head. "No. (M'am) typo. I don't want to be trouble."

"Addison, wait!" Her voice sounded far away and the cicadas' noise crescendoed again.

"Have a pleasant day, Mrs. Davis." He turned and walked back down the long drive. If she called to him again, he didn't hear it.

When he reached the road, he stopped. Looking down Inspecting his clothes, he noticed a spot of tarnish on one of his buttons, a frayed thread hanging from his cuff, and the blue of his uniform look dull and faded. Good ending