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Wayfaring Stranger
Chapter 2
by Ms. J
reviewed by linggy
plot: Addison walks to his girlfriend's house where his mother delivers him the sad news that Jeannie had married a month earlier.
characters: Addison and Mrs. Davis, Jeannie's mother.
grammar: Okay except where noted.
style/voice: 3rd person with POV of Addison. I'd avoid repeating character's names when the reader knows who's talking or being talked about.
setting: a wealthy farmhouse
overall: The reader knows almost immediately that Jeannie either got married or died somehow very early in this chapter. In the first chapter the POV was from Asa now it's his brother. That's fine, but if the entire story is primarily from Addison's point of view, I'd modify the first chapter to make it his POV and combine these 2 chapters.I'm looking forward to getting over to Bailey's and see what's happening there. Is that chapter 3? I'll check it out when you get it up.


My comments and suggestions are in RED. Blue is to highlight something from you.

Note: I’m making suggestions and telling you my honest opinion, but I’m no expert.
Take what you like and trash the rest.
Linggy


The white two-story frame farmhouse crowned the crest of the hill, surveying the acres of crops stretched out around it. Situated in the area called Mount Clara, the Davis' farmhouse stood out like a beacon on the prairie. Keokuk lay a comfortable nine and a half miles away.

Addison turned off the road and started up the long inclining drive to the house. Fighting the urge to run, he held his head high and proud. After all, he had a right to be proud; he was a returning warrior. He felt the sun shinning down on him and noticed how the light accented the blue of his uniform, (and) the shine of his brass buttons. Often he dreamed of this moment when he would walk down the lane, a smart spring in his step, a man tried and tested in war ready to claim his prize, Jeannie.

Glancing around him, Addison noted the farm was doing well. Mr. Davis always ran a successful farm. The oldest son, Lucas would, of course, inherit it, but Addison vowed to himself that someday he and Jeannie would have a farm like this, no better. (I like or better...or no, it would be better)

As Addison approached the front steps of the porch, a large yellow dog stretch and rose to his feet. "Dog?” Addison laughed.

Dog, as the scraggly mutt was know, or "Damn Dog" as Mr. Davis affectionately called him, lumbered down the stairs. He approached with his head lowered, but tail wagging cautiously. "You used to run down the road to meet me, Dog. What happened? You worn out from chasing rabbit, Boy?" Addison (He) reached down and gave Dog a good scratch behind the ears. His tail moved faster.

"Addison?"

He looked up to see Mrs. Davis standing on the porch, her hand over her heart. Sweeping off his kepi, he gave her a gallant bow. "Mrs. Davis."

"I um... I didn't... we didn't..." Mrs. Davis faltered. "Please, Addison, have a seat." She motioned to a long wooden bench on the porch that rested against the wall between the door and window.

Addison pretended to wipe his mouth so he could hide his smile as he ascended the steps and took a seat. Genevieve Davis was a handsome woman, much like her daughter. Unlike Jeannie, she lacked an alluring personality. Most of the time, Genevieve Davis (she)was shy. They way she stumbled over her words just now was more pronounced than usual, perhaps due to the sight of a returning soldier.

As Addison sat, he cleared his throat. "I've come to see Jeannie."

"It's a hot day. Let me get you something to drink," Mrs. Davis muttered as she disappeared into the house.

She's probably getting Jeannie, Addison thought to himself. He pictured Jeannie's surprise, and smile as her two adorable dimples appeared. Next she would rush around trying to make herself presentable. As if she needed to primp. Jeannie, his Jeannie, was always beautiful, her raven hair pinned up in an intricate pattern, not a strand out of place. Her eyes were a soft, deep brown, and round, and her complexion smooth and flawless. On more than on occasion in the past three years, Addison (he had) closed his eyes and remembered her lyrical laugh, how it would hang in the air drawing everyone to her. With a wicked smile, Addison thought of her curvy body, her tiny waist, rounded hips, and full breasts. He couldn't wait to touch her full pouty lips with his own.

"Here you are." Mrs. Davis handed Addison a glass of cool cider and took a seat next to him.

Addison (He) blushed, grateful Mrs. Davis couldn't read his mind just then. "Thank you, M'am. (ma'am)" He took the glass.

Mrs. Davis sank down on the bench next to him. "When did you get home?"

"Just today. I came straight from the boat." He took a sip of the cider.

"My husband's in the field. I'm sure he would like to see you. You say you haven't been to see your folks, your brother?" She fiddled with the sleeve of her blue calico dress.

Addison shook his head. "No, M'am. After all this time, I came straight to see Jeannie."

"Jeannie (She) isn't here right now." Mrs. Davis wouldn't look him in the eyes, and her face flushed.

He laughed it off. "That would be just my luck to cross paths in town without even knowing it."

"No, she's out Argyle way."

"Argyle? What on earth for? How soon will she be back?" He silently planned to meet her on the road.

"Um, Addison, when was the last time you heard from Jeannie (her)."

He shrugged. "Been awhile, but we didn't get any letters for months, until we got to Washington. Nothing came then, but it didn't worry me. Jeannie never was one for writing much."

"What about your folks? Hear from them?"

As the smile faded from his face, Addison set the glass down. "They are fine, but don't write much either. Pa doesn't see the need to spend money on paper. Is Jeannie alright?"

"Oh, she's alright." Mrs. Davis gave a deep sigh.

Addison (He) furrowed his brow. "You've got me worrying, Mrs. Davis."

Genevieve Davis (She... repeating names is only necessary when the reader doesn't know who's speaking. Here there are only 2 people present.)) stared off into the distance toward the river. "Jeannie married Karl Jensen 'bout a month ago."

Addison leapt to his feet. Did Mrs. Davis say Jeannie was married? What was that noise from the trees? Cicadas? Their chirping came in a wave of sound and made his head thump. "Beg pardon?" He managed to mumble.

"Addison, please don't make me say it again."

He couldn't comprehend the words he said, they seemed to form from someone else’s brain. "Then, I best be getting along. I shan't take up anymore of your time." His feet carried him down the stairs.

"Wait! I'll get Mr. Davis, Lucas, or one of the boys to take you home."

He turned to face her and placed his cap back on his head. "No. M'am. I don't want to be trouble."

"Addison, wait!" Her voice sounded far away and the cicadas' noise crescendoed again.

"Have a pleasant day, Mrs. Davis." He turned and walked back down the long drive. If she called to him again, he didn't hear it.

When he reached the road, he stopped. Looking down, he noticed a spot of tarnish on one of his buttons, a frayed thread hanging from his cuff, and the blue of his uniform look dull and faded.