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Title: Wayfaring Stranger
Section: Chapter 1
By: Ms. J (81)
Reviewed By: Linggy


plot: Two brothers are returning home from the Civil War. The differences in their, age, maturity and outlook on life are highlighted in this opening chapter.
characters: Asa is older, taller, more experienced and jaded than his younger brother. Addison is young, exuberant, and desirous to get home to his girlfriend. His impatience shows when he'd rather push and shove on a loaded gangplank than wait a few minutes with his brother and then leave the Ferry.
grammar: no problems noticed
style/voice: 3rd person POV Asa.
setting: The setting is well described and I felt I was at the dock with the anxious men coming home from war.
overall: This short chapter gives the reader enough information to continue reading. No conflict is evident, however. I wonder if chapter 2 will follow Asa over to Bailey's, where he'll knock a few shots down and maybe inform us of the horrors he experienced in the war, or will it go with the love sick brother.


My comments and suggestions are in RED. Blue is to highlight something from you.

Note: I’m making suggestions and telling you my honest opinion, but I’m no expert.
Take what you like and trash the rest.
Linggy


The shrill sound of a whistle sliced the moist August morning air in two. The sound of a steamboat coming to dock was nothing unusual, perhaps even expected by the inhabitants of the Mississippi river town of Keokuk, Iowa. Still, when sounded in the early morning, the impact of the whistle could jolt even the soundest of sleeper from his or her respite.

This morning's whistle—a distinct one short, two long and two shorts—informed the waking town at the bottom of the Des Moines rapids, of the Abigail Foster's arrival. Some in the village knew of her cargo and made for the docks. Most just went about their business. The Abigail was not the first boat carrying soldiers home from the war, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

When the war first ended, citizens massed at the landing to cheer on the brave boys. Sometimes a brass brand played as the men marched into town. As the months passed, the novelty wore off until only friends or relatives greeted the boats, if they knew a loved one was coming. Most times, though, they didn't.

The Abigail's crew took their time docking her in the French style with the stern pointed up stream. On the landside of the boat, men in blue uniforms lined the rails, anxious to disembark, and the boat took a noticeable lean. Some would stay in Keokuk, some would disperse throughout Lee County, and for others, Keokuk served as a way station. Despite their various destinations, the Abigail carried the men closer to home.

On the deck directly below the pilothouse, a solider leaned against a stanchion. His blue eyes took in the scene around (spectacle); men rushed for the lower deck, the roustabouts on the wharf below scurried to secure the boat. To the man's right, a colored deckhand cursed under his breath something about the soldiers.

When a private rushed passed, (When his brother was rushing pass) the soldier(Asa) reached out and grabbed him by the collar, yanking him to a halt. Nodding toward the gangplank, he explained, "Addison, look. There'll be a rush for that gangway. Just wait."

"Did ya have to snap my neck off, Asa?" The private scowled.

Asa shrugged. "Trying to help is all. Crowding in down there isn't gonna get you off this boat any faster."

Addison shook his head. "I don't know about you, but I'm not waiting. I'm gonna get myself up to Davis' farm, see Jeannie. Those other men can just get out of my way."

"What are you gonna do, push them out of your way? I can just see it...(Private) Addison Thatcher trampled his brothers in arms. They survived the war, but they stood between him and his girl (friend)." Asa scoffed.(The reader knows from Asa's comments how he spoke. I'd drop this.)

"Are you saying you don't want off this boat, get to Rachel and your farm?"

"Well, yes, but there's no sense in go (going)down there to scramble and claw my way down the plank and up the bluff. I'll get home just the same, maybe before some of them boys, and I'm gonna stop at Bailey’s tavern on the way." Asa leaned on the rail and peered down below.(this is repetitive, I'd cut it.)

"Tavern, huh?" Addison joined him. "I suppose you're gettin' in one last good drink before Rachel gets her claws on ya."

"Something like (that)."

Addison stood and stretched his arms above his head. He was a half a head shorter than his brother, but their eyes were the same—blue with flecks of green. All the Thatcher children inherited their eye color from their father. (This is extraneous detail that doesn't move the story forward) "Suit yourself. I'm leaving."

Asa chuckled. "Alright Addi, but try not to marry that girl tonight. Amos would want to be there to witness you shackled to a woman."

"Amos isn't home?"

"Naw, his band of coloreds didn't get mustered out just yet. Should be soon."

"It's just as well." Addison grinned. "Amos would just try to pull rank on me anyway." He turned and headed toward the gangplank away from his brother. "I'll see you on Sunday. I hear tell Peter's turned into quite a fine preacher."

"Count on it." Asa gave him a halfhearted wave.

Asa watched Addison (him) mingle in among the other men, rush down the gangway, and start up the bluff. Now it was time for Asa to leave the steamer. While Addison headed to the farm on Mount Clara,(;) Asa intended to make his way to Bailey’s.