Novel Review Group Message Forum

Title: Wayfaring Stranger
Section: Chapter 1
By: Ms. J
Reviewed By: SixGun

Plot:
Two brothers returning from the Civil War. Not much else shown yet.

Characters:
Asa and Addison. So far so good. This is very short for a Chapter 1. We don'y know much about them except Asa is the oldest, they have blue/green eyes and want to get home to their women folk. Well, some a bit more than others
.
Grammar/Spelling:
Spelling is fine. Grammar just needs a little tweaking.

Style/voice:
Narrators voice. Didn't find any problems here. It worked well.

Setting:
The Abigail Foster, a riverboat (assuming) docking in Keokuk Iowa. Good job here. Easy to picture the setting.

Overall:
What you have here is an interesting start, and it's written well. The problem is that it's just too short, especially for a chap 1. The docking procedure would give you ample time to get your two characters into a much longer dialogue, where we can lean more about them, get some back story etc. I'm sure from the time the captain/conductor blows the whistle, you'll have 10 to 15 minutes before they have it eased against the dock, tied up and the gangplank lowered. You even state that they "took their time docking her in the French Style. That's all the time you need to get that dialogue more in-depth and give the reader some much needed info.

Line by Line:
The shrill sound of a whistle sliced the moist August morning air in two.  The sound < echo of churning water, heralding > of a steamboat coming to dock was nothing unusual, perhaps even expected by the inhabitants of the Mississippi river town of Keokuk, Iowa.  Still, when sounded in the early morning, the impact of the whistle could jolt even the soundest of sleeper from his or her respite.

This morning's whistle—a distinct one short, two long and two shorts—informed the waking town at the bottom of the Des Moines rapids, of the Abigail Foster's arrival. Some in the village knew of her cargo and made for the docks. Most just went about their business.  The Abigail was not the first boat carrying soldiers home from the war, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.  

When the war first ended, citizens massed at the landing to cheer on the brave boys.  Sometimes a brass brand played as the men marched into town. As the months passed, the novelty wore off until only friends or relatives greeted the boats, if they knew a loved one was coming.  Most times, though, they didn't. 

The Abigail's crew took their time docking her in the French style with the stern pointed up stream.  On the landside of the boat, men in blue uniforms lined the rails, anxious to disembark, and the boat took a noticeable lean.  Some would stay in Keokuk, some would disperse throughout Lee County, and for others, Keokuk served as a way station. Despite their various destinations, the Abigail carried the men closer to home.

On the deck directly below the pilothouse, a solider leaned against a stanchion. His blue eyes took in the scene around; <as the soldiers > men rushed for the lower deck, <period, new sentence> the roustabouts on the wharf below scurried to secure the boat. To the man's right, a colored deckhand cursed under his breath <comma> something about the soldiers. 

When a private rushed passed, the soldier reached out and grabbed him by the collar, yanking him to a halt. Nodding toward the gangplank, he explained, "Addison, look. There'll be a rush for that gangway.  Just wait."

"Did ya have to snap my neck off, Asa?"  The private scowled.

Asa shrugged. "Trying to help is all. Crowding in down there isn't gonna get you off this boat any faster."

Addison shook his head.  "I don't know about you, but I'm not waiting. I'm gonna get myself up to Davis' farm, see Jeannie. Those other men can just get out of my way."

"What are you gonna do, push them out of your way? I can just see it... Addison Thatcher trampled his brothers in arms.  They survived the war, but they stood between him and his girl."  Asa scoffed.

"Are you saying you don't want off this boat, get to Rachel and your farm?"

"Well, yes, but there's no sense in go <going or goin’> down there to scramble and claw my way down the plank and up the bluff.  I'll get home just the same, maybe before some of them boys, and I'm gonna stop at Bailey’s tavern on the way."  Asa leaned on the rail and peered down below.

"Tavern, huh?" Addison joined him. "I suppose you're gettin' in one last good drink before Rachel gets her claws on ya."

"Something like."

Addison stood and stretched his arms above his head.  He was a half a head shorter than his brother, but their eyes were the same—blue < the other soldier had blue eyes also so give the other guy a different eye color > with flecks of green. All the Thatcher children inherited their eye color from their father. "Suit yourself.  I'm leaving."

Asa chuckled.  "Alright Addi, but try not to marry that girl tonight.  Amos would want to be there to witness you shackled to a woman."

"Amos isn't home?" < His brother uses a strong accent and so does Addison; maybe only give one the accent to help distinguish the voice, In any event, needs to be consistent >

"Naw, his band of coloreds didn't get mustered out just yet. Should be soon."

"It's just as well." Addison grinned. "Amos would just try to pull rank on me anyway." He turned and headed away from his brother.  "I'll see you on Sunday.  I hear tell Peter's turned into quite a fine preacher."

"Count on it." Asa gave him a halfhearted wave.

Asa watched Addison mingle in among the other men, rush down the gangway, and start up the bluff. Now it was time for Asa to leave the steamer.  While Addison headed to the farm on Mount Clara, Asa intended to make his way to Bailey’s.